CASEY GET'S THE BOOT!

More to come later, but it's about time this screeching scruffy bastard got sent home!

Top 7 Sings Karen King Songs

Ladies and gentlemen! I know I know, I'm posting my thoughts on the performance a night late. The results have happened and are on DVR, so those thoughts will come later.
For now, let's talk about our top 7 Wednesday night Carol King songs night!

Seacrest’s hair: gelled, big side part started on left sided.

Randy’s vest… It was hot! Got the custom made RJ embroidered on it. He is a boss! See part of the vest in this picture of Randy with James:

Dude. My DOG Randy has got the fresh to death gear, always.

 Steven had a stylin’ silver leather jacket, much better than any leather jacket Jimmy has ever worn. No pic needed... Steven can pull off whatever he wants. He just walks on stage, turns around to see the parade of people following him, and yells "WALK THIS WAY!!!! OOO TALK THIS WAY!" 

J Lo is looking good, the usual. But No ridiculous outfit. Obviously she is blinging as always. But I guess we need to say it... Don't be fooled by the rocks that she got, she's still Jenny from the Block.....Roooooiigggggghhhhtttttt. No huge knee high boots this time..... but still a HUGE ass. Here's an example:

Jacobs suit… why?!?!?! Michigan colors? Or is that a purple shirt? I’m colorblind. But I can see that it is UGLY! I couldn't find a full length shot...you're welcome.

So it’s Carol King night. All the contestants come out, Lauren smack in the middle. Babyface is the guest tonight in video clips with Jimmy. Babyface is the man. He face is smooth, like a baby’s bottom, hence the name Babyface. Look at this smooth operator!

First up was Church-Jacob- it’s go hard or go home for this guy, and my pick is to go home. He did seem more relaxed up there but his outfit was just killing me. He was rocking what, lime green sperry top siders? Horrible. His singing? Not so hot, I mean not horrible, but he still is automatic bottom 3. I feel like I should write more about Jacob. He is a nice woman, I mean man. At one point when in the top 24, Jacob was mine and many others picks to win it. Since then, every week, worse and worse. It's time Jacob. Your were entertaining and at times brilliant, but your real career is being the conscierge at a spa where he gets comped free mani/pedi's and colonic hydrotherapy.

Lauren-Hey Peach! Singing the sing “Where you lead”. In the video clip she looked all grown up and was killing it! Miley Cyrus came in and all confidence was headed in her direction. This had to have been envigorating for her and it showed in her performance because she was amazing at parts. She pulled a young lucky guy onto stage and danced with the crowd and around the judges stage, it was an energetic performance. Her voice cracked a bit but judges gave her props on that because it meant she was reaching and giving it all she got. Laur obviously got a bit upset when the judges pointed that out to her; you could see Lauren’s eyes welting up. yet she still has that nice smile on her face! I like it how in seacrest quick interview after, she says “I’m doing this for my family.” She seems other centred and that is a special quality to have, something I myself have been working on. Love my Lauren, but I’m not sure what’ll happen. Iffy feelings about how America perceives her... But look how sweet she is!

Duet w Haley and Casey-first off, why are these people singing a duet before performing?!?!? It’s unfair. It could work out in their favor or make it even worse for them. Not being judged on it but don’t you think voters will take into account there duet along with their actual performance?!?! Didn’t like this at all. Anyways, Casey and Haley sang Carol King’s biggest song “I feel the earth move”. They hadn’t practiced much and it wasn’t super but they looked like they were having fun.. but I’m very bothered at the fact I had yet to see either perform, yet I’ve just seen them do a duet. Would they lose their voice? Is there a catch?   Do love Haley’s smile though. She is always smiling! A smile can carry you a far way in life! Hope it helps her.

On a Seacrest note... his hair is still the same... It seems his suit is now shinier. And his tie isn’t one of those thin black ones; it’s thicker.

Oy guys, here we go, Scotty is up. Jimmy essentially was telling him to not sing country or he was a goner. Singing a biggie “You’ve got a friend.” Butched immediately…. He sounded so novice when he didn’t sing country. He wouldn’t even have made it through the original auditions sounding like that. He was slow and sleepy and Scotty was just not good. Ironically, Scotty is singing the words “I’ll be there” in the song. Where will he be? Oh! I see what Scotty is doing! He is foreshadowing that he will be there, as in the bottom 3. But when he finishes, the crowd goes ecstatic… Uh oh. Teeny boppers still love him. Randy says he turned over another cheek…Cheeks....Is Randy talking about butt cheeks??? Haha. But they all loved it. I didn’t. I still want Scotty gone. When he hits his high note and barely even holds it, he couldn’t look more thank King of the hill bobby…. Oh yeah, and tonight Scotty was wearing a different colored baby gap leather jacket…army green? Eh, could’ve been red…either way, embarrassing.

James-The best in the competition. bar none. No question the biggest ears in it too. Or maybe not the biggest, but they stick out a ridiculous amount! He really needs to get that otoplasty procedure and fix them ears. Because James is the complete package, no homo. James has a really good look about him! Big tall rocker guy, emo hair, unique style, just needs to tuck ‘em back a teeny bit. So james, is def the Adam Lambert of this season.  He should def win. But remember with Adam, he deserved it and everyone thought he would but than that guy Chris won, so James still needs to get votes so we don’t have another Pia! James sang "do you still love me tomorrow." Acoustic beginning, neat and stepping out of what he usually does. Then the band came in and more rockerish. He killed it, and his shark tooth earring rocked! Reminded me of a kindergarten class trip to the Camden Aquarium back in 1990. That was our souvenir. But Wow, James is awesome. J lo was loving it so much she started dancing like Paula used to!  J Lo used the word magical but then what’d she break out next? Yep, you guessed it… AMAZING! Randy talks about cheeks again……..ummm is everything OK Randy? Randy then hugged James and assures all of us he will win it. Hope so!

Duet-Lauren and Scotty- Lauren says Scotty is cute.. (vomit) It’s their third duet together and Seacrest is digging for some dirt but not getting any. Lauren at one point says Scotty has something in his teeth, but America knows he doesn’t since he brushes his teeth instensely with his microphone every time he sings (joepsu). So they sing together and Lauren absolutely dominates, Scotty doesn’t hold notes and is horrendous. 

The judges compliment Lauren and ignore Woody.    We have some bad news though….. So, thanks to Seacrest putting out the idea that their could be something going on between Lauren and Scotty, now all the teeny boppers that voted for Lauren and Scotty, are now holding a resentment towards Lauren because they think she is getting it in with him and they want Scotty! So you would think Lauren's beautiful and powerful voice in the duet would help her gain more votes, but unfortunately, I feel that those little girls are pissed off and done with the Peace! This is Scary. Another surprise like Pia? AHHHH!!!!

 Scotty=Sanjaya. Except Sanjaya was so bad he was entertaining. With Scotty, rumor has it that if he gets the boot tomorrow night, there will be a surprise... Instead of Scotty singing a final song, rumor has it they have set up a fast pitch batting cage so we can finally see what McCreery's got. Any ball that he whiffs on? Well I hope you all remember Justin Guarini! 

He has came back from the dead and is volunteering to paddle Scotty endlessly, rip up his baby gap jackets and smash all of his guitars.

Casey- I really have started to like him again. Casey was singing a King song by blood Sweat and tears. He comes out with a pretty dope outfit on and cool top hat, and the blonde saxophonist was pretty awesome at sax and maybe sex? But Casey is back to yelling and not singing. Pulling the same crap he pulled the night before they had to save his ass. Why Casey? I think it might put him back in that seat he knows about. But Steven said his scalp itched it was so good… ummmkkkk. And J lo wanted him to loosn up his legs.

We then scroll to Rosanne Barr in the crowd. She is wearing a blonde wig, has lost a lot of weight too. Ok, a little ridiculous I just make up that it was Rosanne Barr.. I don’t know who the hell it was or why Seacrest was trying to spit some game at her!

            Haley-Sang song “Beautiful” she sure is. I like her hippie-ish hat in the vid clip.

Wearing that headband that looked like that baby toy where the metal bends in shapes and you need to slide different color rings through it. Don’t remember it? Yeah, terrible description on my part. Anyways, Haley is a sexy hippie. She comes out and there are technical difficulties. Excuses? She overcome it and sang decent, but what was that ring she was wearing on her finger? A ring pop? Or one of those rings in a 25cent machine? Cmon Halebopp, don’t start slacking now! Think she might’ve. Yet J Lo broke out amazing… but then when she said it she immediately had this expression on her as if didn’t mean to say it at all or as if she said it and felt bad because no one in the crowd cheered. Haley, I’m gonna vote you in bottom 3 so you can be done and we can start hooking up again, deal?

Jacob James Duet- Jacob changed thank the lord! Now he looked quasi normal but still extremely feminine. James changed too. Less rockerish but had some nice flair going on. Duet was horrible. They weren’t on sync at all and even James sounded off tune. Pretty horrible duet to end with.

Ryan gives us some comic relief at the end joking that if you’d like to vote for Jennifer’s legs, dial… He’s a funny little guy.

So, bottom 3 prediction: Jacob, Haley and Casey. Haley = boot (I’d love Scotty to be in there and I hope but that teeny bopper roar scared me away from it…..A nightmare for me would be if Lauren was in the bottom 3. Of course James will be safe.

Much love.

Samitz…..OUT

Pia Takes A Bite

In Pia news:
Just a smidgen under 2 weeks since Pia got the boot, and she already landed herself a gig on Dancing with the Stars. Guess what she performed? Yeah... nothing too original. "I'll Stand By You"
 I mean, I've been standing by you the whole time Pia, but you really are already all wifed up? Really? You didn't wanna give little Andy a shot??? :::::grinding teeth:::::

  I didn't see it live, but did watch it here:

 Pia won't let nobody hurt you!

So she was singing the song while Mark's dance partner was groping her man.... She had to have been jealous! But she wasn't... Why you ask? Well, Pia noticed something before all of America could. It was reported that Ballas' dance partner was unable to maneuever the usual dance moves in their routine due to the bulge in his pants...Thanks Pia!

Mark also got excited later on when he saw this picture below of Pia teasing the microphone while he was singing (It looks like she is going to take a big bite....owch!) 

But in all seriousness.....I mean, this chick Pia... she is the friggin' real deal! In all aspects of the game.

America, what the hell were you thinking?!?!?!

It's cool....tonight's the night Scotty will finally choke to death on all of that toothpaste.....Oh wait, you didn't know that the reason why he holds his microphone sideways is because he is actually brushing his Mr. Ed teeth with it? See below:

See you in hell Scotty.

And to all my beloved idolismers??? I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Little Top 7 Action on 4/20!!!

And so another phenomenal night of performances....


Seacrests hair: straight forward with gel spiked up in the front.

Jacob's shiny silver suit was bought at Suit World on Broad St. It was pretty poor taste... See here:

 OOPS! My mistake... here he is:

Paul was back! Him, his knee (with no knee brace) and his ugly ass jacket! See here:

Loved it when they were all talking about how annoying Scotty is with his microphone grip. See his goofy ass grip here:

 

Jimmy mentioned that America is getting complacent with Scotty's country every week. Jimmy is still wearing his sweet leather jacket.....see here:

 

He is right on the money...and trying to help him, but Scotty doesn't listen and continues to suck!!!! Scotty struts out in his baby gap pleather jacket. He just makes me feel awkward! Is he real? Sometimes I honestly can't tell if he is like animated or something... He's done... thank god! J lo expected more and Steven gave him some backhanded compliments (he wanted to smash the electric guitar stashed under the table over Scotty's head. And YO, Randy: SO CHECK IT SCOTTY....Get the hell off the stage and don't come back until you're singing your just got booted song.     Randy recently is practicing to become a Rabbi and now says OY!!! instead of YO!!

    James - Video clip: fellow idolers hating on James Scarf...(See James as a youngster here:

I actually think it's cool how it hangs! Lauren is in this clip a lot and obviously has a great personality, she is funny. What was with the crotch shot of scotty in this clip? Ew! But enough with Scotty! James' performance was pretty solid... I actually didn't like the start and thought his low notes were off.. but he stepped it up with that "Amazing" falsetto scream at the end... Of course J Lo said it was amazing too....

    Haley-She is a pretty little lady!

 

and I thought she did a really nice job. Randy liked the direction she went with Adele and I respect her for having the balls to choose a song that is currently popped off on the charts (April) But, while she was good, I feel like the judges liked the song choice more than the actual performance, which may not help her in the voting. But I don't see her being in the bottom 3.

    Jacob-poor guy is busy crying during his valuable time with accomplished producers trying to teach him how to get votes! But I don't wanna rip on him too much for it is unfortunate that his Father passed away when Jake was just a little guy... So Jacob chose Luther Vandross.... (Mom, you loved Luther! I remember listening to it in your car on the way to the shuttle at Merion school to FCS... sooo, did you like it?) Me neither! He steps on stage and screws up in the beginning!!! Looks over at the piano guy like it was his fault! You can't screw up like that this deep into the competition and expect to stick around... Jakob my friend, you've just gotten worse and worse every week and your confidence is obviously shattered, so no more alligator skin shoes Jacob... for you, tonight.. it's a pink Doc Marten boot:

    Casey-Pia's boy Mark Ballis likes him! I actually like Casey now too. Do you believe Scotty had the nerve to call Casey unusual? SO IS YOUR FACE SCOTTY! Everyone wearing the fake beard was hilarious.... Seacrest wearing it was priceless.

 Ryan Grows Facial Hair

He sang one of my faves-Maroon 5-"Harder to breathe." I enjoyed Casey's performance! It sounded very similar to Adam Levine in the beginning but then Casey made it his own at the end and killed it. The judges and crowd loved it, it was a pretty nice job!

    Ryan makes fun of himself that he is not a man... interesting.

    Stefano - My little Puppy! (Joepsu)

 

So Stef's a ladies man? I buy it. Hey, you know what they say... big things come in small packages! I don't mind stefano much and sort of feel bad for him that he is in second to last every week but somehow sticks around! His song choice was terrible, and his hip movements/standing worm thing was a weak attempt at popping and locking. J lo said it was great, no amazing. Demotion. Stefano has got a seat reserved on the stool, but I think he'll stick around again.

        Lauren-my peach! She is a ball of joy in her video clip and it was funny seeing her fellow contestants make fun of her accent. I think lauren is certainly one of the best in the competition but was is with these song choices? I had no idea what she was singing but heard it was Miley Cyrus which Jimmy says she is better then... ????

 

I'm not sure bout that, but I do like Laur more than Miley, in a sister kind of way. In another way? Miley. The violinist in her performance was tubular! Jennifer and Randy want her to DO IT! Not pull back like they feel she did. She didn't belt out any impressive notes and challenge herself. Randy called it safe. I agree. But it was a pretty motivation critique, hinting at the a little foreshadowing of Possibly bottom 3 for laur? I hope not... Yall know I like her. but she needs to step it up!

 

    But YO. DUDE. DAWG!!!!!!!! (hadn't broke that out in a while) Fun night, looking forward to results tonight.

Bottom 3 prediction: Scotty, Jacob, Stefano....Jacob will hopefully get the boot.

It's Fun to Bash Scotty!

      It's that time of the week ladies and gentlemen. It's the top 7 tonight... we are getting down to crunch time! Idol Contestants will choose from a list of songs for "Idol Gives Back Week."
      I hate to focus on the bad...but rumor has it, Scotty will be singing country tonight.... uhhh... DUH! Tuh tuh today Junior! (Billy Madison)... Ya see, that's the thing about this kid Scotty...he consistently brings NOTHING new to the table; entirely predictable every time! Extremely annoying how he has managed to sing a country song every week. I'm really hoping for a vocally fumble tonight.
     Enough with Scotty McCreery already! There is some good news though:  Known as"The Predator" before auditioning for idol, his creepy grin and abnormally enormous domepiece can be found in a mug shot on the National Sex Offender Registry, revealing the real Scotty that I hope America finds out about.
      See Scotty's repugnant face below:

 So basically, kid's gotta go...... If you can tell, I've developed quite a large hatred for him!

Stay tuned for more idolalysis.

But I miss this guy........

 Our good ol' friend from Boca, Brett Loewenstern... She is so pretty!

But really....this guy was hilarious!!!

Oh, and Casey.....

Getting very sick of him too....he need's exit the stage for good and stop prancing around in his little mini skirt.

A letter my co-worker wrote to GOD

Dear God,
    I'm frustrated with America for voting off Pia.... But I'm also frustrated with you! How could you let that happen?? Did the power behind Pia's voice threaten you? And the worst part... before Paul? Let alone Stefano, Casey, Jacob and other Simpson's characters!
   Anyways, I ask of you, please guide me in the direction of being an avid idol watcher again! My power has been sapped from me with the loss of Pia, but I have confidence you will allow me to gain back my strength and will allow me to enjoy American Idol again. I'm also falling behind on my Andy Pandy's blog because I just can't muster the courage to follow idol anymore! Please God, allow me to muster the courage and become an avid idol watcher again..... Please
       Love,
Former Idolismer-hoping to become a current idolismer

Seacrest Produced Talkshow Host Loses It!

We ask ourselves, would Seacrest ever lose it like this while hosting Idol? Or would he be able to hold it together? (With the assistance of all of his hair gel, I'm sure it would be a firm hold)

Oh, and the guy being interviewed? (The guy who was accidentally castrated....:::::shivers::::.....poor fella......) Well, Yeah.... him. Rumor has it, Seacrest has convinced him to audition for Idol next season.
Vegas lines already have him at 4:1 odds! WOW! "AMAZING!"
It's said that he is such an early favorite because of the excellent falsetto he can belt out... figures!

Paul's Journey Come's To An End

So on the American Idol results show last night, Paul McDonald left us...  But Paul was not just an Idol contestant.... He is also the President of The S of the PK (The Society of the Palpitating Kneecap)

Let's take a look at Paul's journey on idol.....
Look how cute he was a baby!
And Paul certainly is in store for a successful career. Since "Getting the boot" just last night, Paul has already landed himself a gig! It's something he has experience with it and has done it before... (see below)

And on top of Paul's newest gig, there is more good news! Paulie will finally be able to see his puppy named "Patella." Paul has missed him so dearly and really loves his pup! Below is a picture of Paul's pooch that he kept bedside:

Also, Paul has recently been re-united with his baby boy that he had abandoned in his dentist office months ago, to avoid being late to his Idol audition. See below how cute he is!

But really, Paul and his pitter pattering ACL that he dragged on stage with him every time, had really been getting under my skin.....

However, when I see Paulie, I will tell him this...

    "Paul, it was a valiant effort my friend..... As much as I couldn't stand you, all of your ridiculous movements and your Rod Stewart wannabe voice, I will miss you. You worked hard, but came up short with no cigar. For a guy with white teeth such as yourself, you now have the opportunity to chase that dream of becoming the face of Rembrandt. Good luck in your journey."

"Oh, and Paul... Are you too old to try out for Idol again next season??"



I sure hope so........

But Ladies and gentlemen, for now, the blogging will have to continue later.... I'm at work now and am not really interested in "getting the boot" for Idolisming on the job.



TGIF

Play by Play of American Idol Music Of The Movies Night

      Introduction Video: Dramatic music with clips of people shocked over Pia “getting the boot”. Don’t say you weren’t.
    OMG, when J Lo just turned away from the camera to wave to the audience, I had to juke her enormous ass from hitting me upside the head!!! It literally galloped out of my Vizio!
   
Seacrest’s hair: gelled forward with some spikeage in the front.

Contestants come out: All dressed in their own way:
   
    James was a rocker-very Adam Lambertish,

    Haley was fun and colorful.

    Scotty was boring.

    Casey... Oh Casey. When I see you dressed as business casual, you just give me that gut feeling that you are “that guy” who misreads the invitation and would show up dressed business casual to a black tie affair.
   
    And Lauren Alaina got all glittered up. It’s was announced earlier that she will automatically make the cut for the Oakland Raiders cheerleading squad if she were to.....”get the boot!”
   
    Stefano switched it up from Enrique Inglesias to the Abercrombie look. Sharp guy. But he revealed his insecurities in a recent interview on the Seacrest produced “Short, But Sexy” exclusive look on Idolismers that are under 5’4”.
   
    Of course Michael was dressed fabulous. He is a homosexual.
Paul has been driving down Ridiculous Ave. for weeks now with the apparel he selects for each performance. I see that he continued to drive down it.



WARNING: This is long. It’s OK if you want to read it later.... (sighs) Oh what’s that you say? I’m speaking nonsense? You can’t resist! Excellent!

Idol Performance Play By Play: The Intense and Detailed Edition
    Reporters are calling it Harsh? Possibly inappropriate? Judgmental? Genius? John Newberry award-esque? Unnecessary? Too cynical? Over the top?

You be the judge.... And I expect some comments folks! They inspire me. Make me even hungrier! Give me tiger blood!
Winning.

OK guys, I am about to rip the script as if this Idolisms blog entry is my senior thesis.....

Wait, I love America Idol! Why am I about to rip on the contestants? Eh, just experimenting a bit.
    Paul Clip: He does seem like a chill guy. Oh wait... Am I starting to like my man with the busted kneecap? We’ll see.
Then we see Producer Jimmy and Randy’s voice cuts in spurting:
 “Dude! Dude. So, Yo. Check it. YO. YO. YO YO. YO, YO. Aight......SO CHECK IT.     “Those leather jackets you’re sporting are HOT!!!!!”
Kneecap in action. The big toe is till trying to trip the big toe. The saxophonist was awesome! I actually am enjoying it! Oh and I love it that he’s playing the tambourine, that’s cool. Wow, I guess I’m on, the judges like it too. Steven likes the suit. Now HE is someone who could pull it off! J Lo is definitely hot. I like the 5 carat barrette in her hair. Randy loved it. He is calling Paul an artist. Maybe no bottom 3 tomorrow night? ....
     Lauren: Then we cut to the clip. Lauren is adorable I just wanna pinch her cheeks! But is that an American Idol? Well “she’s gotta snatch it up!” those votes from Pia like will.i.am said to!
    Next, the peachy blonde girl is now wears an LA Kings hockey jersey starts singing. She’s got pretty subpar style these days...I mean the striped shorts with the black leggings underneath last week? Come on, Laur, you do better than that! She is singing some Miley Cyrus Hannah Montana. GOOD STUFF! The electric guitarist is ripping out some sweet riffs! J Lo is loving the way she "cried it out" and Randy  (with his fresh to death striped tie), said she was back! Steven, said kind words but actually sounds like he he is lying... What’ll happen? Cut to her Mom: A whole lotta hair!
    Stefano- Two shirts, popped collar all... Isn’t he that waspy dressed latin lover that went to Episcopal Academy on scholarship for Concert Choir? NAH. Maybe Old Navy?
Clip: Sweet top hat! Black Hoodie Stefano now. Hold up, I apologize for critiquing Stefano so harshly! I’ll lay off....


    Okay, back to picking on little Stefano! He is starting to sing.  He’s horrible so far! Not good on the low notes. Better on high. Right hand out, eyes closed...same friggin’ thing! His hooks suck. OK, done commenting. I’ll come back when it’s the judges turn!
(Disgusted with Stefano)
    Ok I feel guilty for saying mean stuff about him. I mean, who am I to judge? But it’s fun!

Randy: DUDE, I’M TELLIN’ YOU! He thinks Stefano sleighed it!!! Best vocal to date? Wow....different opinions flaring! Steven: Thinks Stefano milked it. J Lo: It’s like, you got it! Sounds extremely intelligent as usual...still hot. They liked it. Did America?
   
Seacrests hair is still the same.

Scotty- Country Crock! 12 year old girl loves Scotty too hotty!
Clip: calls producer guy dude. Dude, that IS DISRESPECTFUL! For real! My Dad doesn’t play around with that either! RESPECT YOUR ELDERS SCOTTY!!!!!
Starting to sing. He is singing a singing a song called “Cross my Heart”. He is an unattractive colored Polyester button down shirt. The song is called Cross My Heart? Well cross my heart hope to die, stick a needle in my eye!!!!

FAST FORWARD

Don’t get my wrong, I appreciate country music... Just not from Scotty. Not tonight big guy. Too harsh on Scotty boy? No, sir. I’m just being a realist. Grandma’s for Scotty sign?? Aerosmith: Loved it. Thinks America will love it! J Lo says everyone is so damn good! Doesn’t compliment him first, secretly Hated it! Randy thinks a star has born on stage!? “HOT!!!!!,” Randall exclaims. Scotty, number 4!!! (My girl Shalina brought up an excellent point. Why isn’t it always the same number to vote for like it is on Dancing with the stars?? :)
Done with Scotty.

Casey: Sidepart hairdoo? Beard is kept nicely actually.
Cut to clip: husky red bearded Casey! Stand up bass action... I like it. He is singing Phil Collins “In the Air Tonight.” I like it. More B101. Wait....Wrong choice by Casey! He is switching it up!
    Singing and playing a song America doesn’t know! Clearing his throat while singing?? Jesus Casey, your stand up cream colored Bass is awesome but you SUCK! I feel like I’m in a budget Jazz Club!! He is gone tomorrow night. Wait, the crowd is cheering for a while! Judges looking like they liked it! J Lo talks, A LOT! Basically, she doesn’t even mention Casey, she basically talks about the diversity of the contestants music genres. Casey obviously, Jazz. Randy does the same. But he is calling it brilliant and genius? Unbelievable..... Steven spits out some tongue twister. ? Later head CASE!

Oh my god it’s the commercial break and Casey is starting to cry again! He can’t keep his emotions in check! Casey needs to dictate his thoughts with his mind, not his emotions. (Caron PA, p. 876)

Haley: Curly poofy hair! She’s cute. A different cute. Like, I’d be interested. But when I call Lauren Alaina, it’s not in the same way... she is my peach! The little American Idol Contestant sister I never had.... Oh yeah, back to Haley...
She is singing “Call Me” by Debbie Harry? Don’t know the artist well, but know the song! Haley’s style! She’s gonna kill it!
Starts wack, turning it on though! Guitarist is ripping it! No. She’s off....It just got horrible. Damn, I was just starting to like her! Randy: YO. Not the usual exciting YO! Boo’s from the crowd? Phony! (Holden Caufield) Steven is always charming. Likes her dress! J Lo: Me too! Hints at her beliefs that she will... “GET THE BOOT”. She doesn’t want the girls to go! J Lo is more concerned with her wanting to keep girls in the competition, even though she subtly is saying to Haley, YOU SUCKED!

    Okay folks, now Jacob. Producer guy Jimmy's leather jackets are rampant again. Doesn’t want Michael to preach to people. Agreed. Corny they say! Again, agreed. “Bridge Over Troubled Water” Jacob doesn’t say by who? Starts off, ehhh not convincing! He’s streaky. Inconsistent. Excellent at one moment, horrific in the next. He needs to work on that! Wow.....Jacob is horrendous now...He ends the song with a kermit the frog mouth! I think he is gone. He is going back to Church! (April :) ). Steven: always so broad with what he says, but a charming fella indeed.. J Lo: Still not making sense. (BTW, no AMAZING tonight... AMAZING! She is talking a lot, rubbing her arms searching for goose pimples! None. Randy liked it but not blown away. He does comment that he had perfect harmony. Teeny boppers will not vote for him. Will he "get the boot??" It's a huge possibility. Hope so!

James: Sammy Hagar’s “Heavy Metal”. This’ll be shorter for I'm getting tired and there isn't much bad to say because James is fantastic. But I am tired. Need sleep. Enjoyed this but feel like I just wrestled 6 matches to get to the finals!
Winning.
    James is a great performer! Really gets the crowd revved up. Guitarist with black and white swirly guitar was real cool! I don’t wanna rip on him but I really don’t know the song well. Dad probably does. He knows like every song! Mom knows a lot too, but she’s more of a Luther connoisseur. But back to James. J Lo thought it felt real, but got all broad on us again and talked about all different types of idols they have. Unoriginal Jennifer! Randy loved it and said James was great because he says I'ma do me! ” and I agree! I did like it. Sweet blonde haired with black goatee guitarist guy liked it too! Steven liked it too.

    My apologies if I took up your time at the office or offended you in anyway. The blog was long this time!!!
Oh, what’s that you say? It was the fastest read of your life?? Your ribs hurt from parts where you laughed so hard? It was genius? It was overly cynical, but brilliant?
Cheers mate. This is excellent news, thank you! (Am I being pompous?  An arrogant prick? Taking this over the top? [certainly])


DUDE.   That’s all the Idolisms I got....... I’m beat! Hardcore Carpal Tunnel Syndrome simmering up.....
No pictures in this one. Just words. Barely edited! (But just this morning, I had an editor call me wanting to do pro bono work for me.)

This isn’t actually a senior thesis!

Whispers from down the hall:    “Is this guy seriously still talking???”

Easy tiger.... Just my take on thangs going on in the Idol word. Idol + Thoughts. Idoloughts.

    This shits getting published. Oh, wow! First curse word ever used in Idol History! This blog was supposed to be PG - 13! Oh well, shit happens. But for real, things are getting shady in this competition.... first Pia, now this whole Idolisms Blog Spectacle? Wait a minute...You didn’t like it? Was my grandiosity too intense for you? Well if you don’t like my writing style this time, don't read it next time. You can still free to comment though. HATERS WELCOME! I'd be delighted to hear any point of view, good or bad. No hard feelings, dude.

(In the voice of Stewie from Family Guy) So what's up with me? Well... I’m still waiting for the results. I’m confident I won’t be in the bottom 3 of Idolology, but do have anxiety that people will think I had the same number from last week and accidentally vote for someone else! (Shalina=insightful).

    Anyways, carry on now with your day. I’m sure you have realized what’s going on..........

Things are just heating up in the world of Idolisms.


SAMITZ (not Seacrest)                         OUT

Grab some popcorn ladies and gentlemen....It's movie night

Haley - Madonna - "I'm a Gambler" from Vision Quest. I think Hales is Madonna-esque, and she was good with Joplin, so let's see her seduce the audience by taking on the provocative sex icon, and shining.

Paul - If anyone had a time to shine, this is Paul's time. He needs to sing a really good song well to make it to next week. I'm thinking Simon and Garfunkel's "Mrs Robinson" from Forrest Gump. Paul could his own spin on it and make it sound great if he can gain control of his rapid kneecap movement. I would like Paul gone, but for some unknown reason, I've developed more patience with him.

Jacob - “If I end up in the bottom three it won’t be because I sang the song bad . . . it will be because everybody in America wasn’t ready to look at themselves in the mirror.”   Really Jacob???? This guy (guy?) Anyways, I have a perfect song for Jacob to sing. Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" from the movie The Bodyguard. Uber feminine (see below), perfect for him. I want Jacob gone, he becomes more cocky and feminine by the second.

James - With summer time approaching, it would be awesome if James sings Alice Cooper's "School's Out For Summer" from the movie Dazed and Confused. Could be incredible if he were to choose it. James is my frontrunner so I'm expecting a kick ass performance no matter what song he chooses.

Stefano - How about Ricky Martin's "Livin La Vida Loca" from Shrek? Stefano could give America some teeny tiny latin love from his 5'3" frame. (See Stefano below, circa 2009)

Lauren - Hoping Lauren will finally sing "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" like she did in the audition! It'd be perfect for her to sing the song from 1998 movie Armageddon, a movie that co-stars Steven's daughter Liz  (who is alongside Ben Affleck-J Lo might get hot)  I think Steven and the rest of America would love it if she pulls this one it out of her bag peaches.

Scotty - How bout a little "On The Road Again" by Willie Nelson from the Oscar winning Forrest Gump soundtrack? I think he could do a decent job at it, or maybe a great job, but I'm still having a difficult time buying the whole Scotty Country singer icon thingy.

Casey - I'm thinking Casey should sing George Harrison's "I Got My Mind Set On You" from Look Who's Talking Too. This could be a great song for Casey to sing. It is said that Casey was given a list of songs from the 100 crappiest movies of the past 5 decades, and this is what he chose....See the unkept bastard in the picture below :

Looking forward to the show tonight! See ya'll out on the field (or stage).

Pia's Turns Her Boot Into Record Deal and Hunk

So as you all know, Pia Toscano got the boot from Idol last Thursday. I was dismayed, as were the judges... but we all knew that something positive would come from this "Debacle of Pia." And it certainly did! It only took one day for the talented Jersey native to score a record deal with the prominent Interscope Records.
    Us idolites know from past seasons, that you don't need to win the show to become a star in the music industry. Remember Jennifer Hudson? She didn't win, yet she got an Oscar and numerous Grammy's... And Chris Daughtry? He didn't win either, but had multiple #1 singles on the billboard charts.
    Only one day after the boot, Pia slipped on her Manolo's and galloped into the Interscope office as if she was a beautiful Unicorn with a horn made of platinum. Everyone wanted a piece!
     It's also been heard that Pia is getting some action, on top of the record deal! She is now dating Dancing with the Stars hunk Chris Ballas.

What a catch! (For Chris....) And good for you two! (I'm bitter....)
    Speaking of Pia's love life, it has been rumored that Scotty McCreery had been trying to put the moves on Pia the entire contest, and kept getting denied. This angered the Woody look alike, and Scotty started badmouthing Pia, making fun of her ridiculous white oompa loompa jumpsuit (see below) that Gwen picked out for her and her ever growing buttox... any chance he could get! It is said that this could be one of the reasons that she got voted off....

    But in the Seacrest produced episode of "Shocking American Idol Clips: The Dirt You Have Got To See!" (only available on Pay per view) Pia was seen smashing Scotty's Gibson Les Paul guitar and stabbing him in the head with her stilleto (which was a Sketchers at the time, but now the star only wears Manolo Blahnik and Christian Lubiton.) Below is a picture of Scotty after the shoe incident:

Naturally, Scotty's cranium healed immediately, for he is a cartoon character... It is said that Pia's album will be called "Now What Scotty?!?!"
    For now, Mazel Tov Pia. You will be missed on the show, but the world loves you even more now.

Samitz....OUT

The Debacle of Pia

WOW............. Did anyone see this coming? I didn't! It's typical... As soon as I start publicly blogging about my love for Pia, she gets the boot.

Unbelievable! Is the show rigged? Is Tom Donaghy now shaving off votes instead of points??
( http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2975532 )
I'll tell you, it's much harder to write a blog when America has literally just taken a dump on you. But I'll try...
    So Seacrest comes out, minimal spikeage on the front, side partage to the left. In the opening song, James' voice like earthquake,  Stefano like puppy. It was cool when they were all singing Sweet Home alabama and came together, and then split off with the ladies on the main stage and guys on the judges stage. Good buncha kids. But for one of them, the journey ends tonight!
    In the whole Russell Brand schtick, Brand's answer of "Crack" to Pauls question of what he should do to be crazy on stage was hilarious! And Haley's laugh throughout it is a pretty funny too. Brand also used the word trousers for pants, which was awesome. I love the word trousers!
    And now, we started breaking off in 3's...
Casey-Stefano-Lauren:
    Casey wanted to keep his thoughts about Kelly Clarkson to himself... That's good Casey, less talk more work. And no rat's nest tonight for Lauren, her hair looked so pretty! And she had really cool earrings too! Pia should borrow them to wear with her long neck necklace for when she performs next week ...........................................................................              Stefano was a sure bottom 3, so no surprise there.
    Next, greek God Constantine Maroulis performed... Where did his soul patch go? I remember on season 4 he'd look into the camera really closely, with his soul patch, and you could catch a glimpse of his lunch from earlier in the day camping out in his soul patch...  Always nice to see Gwen Stefani! She is incredible. Thought it was cool she hooked the girls up with the boutique clothing. They all looked good. And then, we were on to the next threesome.
Paul-Pia-Scotty:
    It's so tough to type this with all of these tears pouring down my face! My Pia! Haha, but really though, I am pretty bummed out. But I should've known! I was just talking with my Mama about Pia and she told me she really wasn't nuts about her and didn't agree with me on what I wrote about her in the blog..I thought, Mother, nonsense! Always hating... But it turns out, I should've listened.... Mom always knows best! Anyways, Pia looked very exotic in black and it is the last time I'll see her on the Idol stage. I wish her the best in life and am certain she will have a great career in music, and possibly an even better one now that she is notorious for the Shocking Boot! Poor Pia.
    TMZ thing: So, Jacob has the hots for Harvey, the lawyer guy who always has that stupid water bottle in his hand! Why does he always have that?! Is there vodka in it?

He just looks ridiculous always holding it. And did you hear? Lil Jon is taking his place for TMZ....... "Yeahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! OK!!!!!!!!"
    James-Jacob-Haley:
Haley is much more attractive now that she is singing well and not getting bottom 3'd every week. She looks good! James' hair was much better tonight. I guess I got a little carried away yesterday in my rants about his and Lauren's hair. And the last of the threesome, Church!.... Well.... I don't want to be bragadocious but, I believe I called it that Jacob would be in the bottom 3! And he was, so I'm glad to be on the same page as America with Jacob safe... but not the case with my Bella Pia....
    Iggy Pop was a very interesting cat up there. With the thin long blonde hair, skin tight jeans, sucked in face, he was quite entertaining/borderline repulsive.

    Bottom 3: Pia, Jacob, Stefano. We all thought it would be Stefano, no question. But I'm sure you have figured out that it was Pia. Well........ my credibility is shot! I believe in previous blogs, I've reffered to Pia as the best in the competition.... Show's what the hell I know!
    I'm pretty bummed out got sent home. Actually, very bummed out. But I'm impressed with how she kept her composure almost the whole time until after she was done singing when she let the tears loose. She acted pretty mature and kept herself in check, for how startled she was. Her getting the boot certainly made people mad! The dog was angry and ready to bite, we caught a glimpse J Lo's spicy Puerto Rican side, and it bothered cool Steven too.
    The first guitar strum before Pia sang for the last time was completely off key... very fitting for her situation. She obviously didn't sing well because her heart was broken (so was mine). I feel partly responsible.......
     Recently, after years of wanting nothing to do with Facebook, my Dad and his co-workers succumbed. Their reason being? To be able to vote for American Idol on the computer, rather than having to vote by phone.... Knowing this and as much as I love this show, I never voted! Dissappointing to me to know that I could've possibly made a difference. But in Pia's defense, it's not because America disliked her and that's why they didn't vote for her. It was because she was so talented and such a contender, that people assumed she was going to be getting tons of votes no matter what, so they spent their votes on others who they wanted to stick around, assuming Pia was a sure thing.... Turns out, she wasn't.

http://piatoscano.org/

    Very sad Pia is gone, but moving on. My peach Lauren is still killing it. And Haley is coming up in the game. Then we have a clump of dudes in the middle. Lastly, Stefano, Paul, Casey and now Jacob are the bottom 4, in my opinion.
   
    And the moral of this story? Always listen to your mother.

Samitz.............. OUT

The show last night was "amazing!"

Idolisms-4/7/11
An Idoltorial Perspective by Andrew Samitz

   
       And so we have entered another night of performances... Seacrest was still rocking the straight and to the side comb over, but this time he brushed it to the right side (last week it was to the right). Why do I take note of these absurd details? I couldn't tell you! I thought it was cool how Steven Tyler did the narration for the Rock and Roll Hall of fame video clip, pointing out the great musicians (the artists were actually inside the mannequins.)
    Jacob - Dressed in all white, looking like a P.I.M.P.! (see pic)

But did he sing like a pimp? I didn't think he did. He at first was going to choose some let's get it on by Marvin Gaye, but then felt more comfortable with some MJ "Man in the mirror". To me, it was a poor switcheroo. His first note was bad, but he usually gets stronger as he goes, so I still had faith in him... But he didn't shine, Sayeeda, the woman he was singing with, was much better! His little humpty hump dance move (or hip thrust as Seacrest noted) was quite interesting. Pump those hips church boy! Haha, but maybe I'm being harsher critic on Jacob, because the judges still loved him. We shall see. Possible bottom 3 candidate....
    Haley - Yes Haley! She listened! And I think it worked out for her. My Curly Q sang some Janis Joplin, as requested, and killed it. Slightly screechy but I think that's how it was supposed to be. Really sweet musical arrangement with all the music stopping except for the drums and Haley still rocking it out. Added that spicy growl she's got! A demonstration of her Tiger Blood? Maybe? But she was good, and I thought J lo would break out her first "AMAZING" for her but she didn't. But YO, DUDE. YO. CHECK IT. DAWG.. DDUE! (You didn't think I'd break it out did you.) Loved it how Haley said "Thanks dog!" to Randy. It's about time somebody showed the dog a little bit o' love in return! Holla back!
    Casey - Oh Casey, Casey, Casey... In his video, Casey was a nervous wreck! Flustered as hell and unsure of chance to be an American idol, (nervous in front of will.i.am... but not millions of viewers... interesting) He needs to keep his head in the game. And I think he did in last night's performance! He broke out the stand up bass! (Knew Randall would love it) And the CCR song was a great pick! As the judges would say 'he made it his own.' Impressive singing with him hitting some real nice falsetto notes and incorporating those cool bluesy jazz riffs. Randy sure loved his fellow bassist. It was a pretty nice performance. But Casey dropped the ball at the end in the Seacrest interview, by expressing his need to make then judges proud first, and then America. Brilliant Casey, brilliant. That'll win you some votes! You scruffy ginger bastard you!
    Lauren - My little Lauren! My pretty little peach! Love Laur, think she is great, but what was up with the hairdoo?!?! Skunks nest on her head??? (Love you Holtzarella!) Anyways, Ken Paves would not be proud... I mean in the video, we see some newly added black streaks. It looks as if Peach is taking the goth approach. Interesting, not uber attractive, but I could totally live with it. But then, Lauren steps onto the stage and we see that the Amazon Rain Forest has Kerplunk; landed on her head! (see below)

She looked like Madonna with a pompadour. In a straight on frontal view of her, it looks as if she has a mullet with an afro puff in the front of her head. Her hair was frizzled, FO SHIZZLE! But she sang "Natural Woman" really nicely. Tough to pull off "The Queen of Soul", Aretha Franklin, but I think it was a solid performance with some crispy high notes! So, J Lo finally used her, now cliche word, "AMAZING!" I think she liked Lauren's hoochie-coochie hoop earrings! Job well done Lauren. Hopefully next time she hands out some peaches to the judges, simply by reaching in the rat's nest on her scalp and picking off peaches off the tree growing inside.
    James - I really liked his approach of going soft. Based on his past performances, the audience was probably anticipating some loud heavy rock 'n roll. I thought he'd do something like Kiss or Led Zepplin! Would have probably rocked it, but instead, he changed it up with a slower softer song, and got real in touch with his emotions, which I think the audience and judges felt as well. But his hair. Come on. This was the a back to back not cat walk, -Hair Walk- with Lauren going first and then James. Couldn't they have split it up with a commercial break??... Jeeze man, he looked a mix between Dennis the Menace, Adam Lambert and Sonic the Hedgehog with a splash of Bon Jovi.... (see pic)

But? He sang great, and his last high note at the end of his song was held really long and sounded outstanding! But were James tears after his song real, or fake? Whether he was acting or not, it definitely won him some votes.
    Scotty - Ok, so I figured out who Scotty looks like. Bobby from King of the Hill!! (See Below)

Scotty goes with Elvis. Very difficult to replicate, thus a ballsy choice. He picked the song "That's alright mama" which was a song I personally wasn't as familiar with, and being that much of the viewership for Idol is teenybopper girls, they probably didn't know it either, but they definitely loved it and love him! This was demonstrated by their on-stage ambush of Scotty after he performed. That definitely won him some votes! Woody has got some game! And I was happy Woody didn't get too excited and have an accident. !  But J lo felt his "flava'". I felt it too, but Scotty still for some reason give me the heebie jeebies. His creepy little stare... (see below) and that goofy ass smerk....

   
      Pia - Hear we go! Another sensational performance by my love. "River Deep Mountain High" was I believe the song that my rival idol blogger predicted she'd sing. Nice guess rival idol blogger... Now go home! Pia is smart. In her video it showed her after last week's performance already knowing what she was going to sing. She had it picked out early and that had to help her by allowing her more time to rehearse. I liked her outfit and necklace!

If she wore any more necklaces, she'd pass for a Paduang Longneck woman in the Mayan tribe and grow one of those giraffe sized necks!

Or......

If she did that, she'd be even more of a shoe-in to win it! But in terms of her singing, she was great and it was refreshing to see her scream and shout a little. And her last note she hit was crispy!! Krispy kreme....Mmmmmmmm.....donuts....(homer) ::mouth watering:: Back to Pia; she always gets a tougher critique because she is the best. As my dog Randy said, "YO, Pia is in it to win it!"     Win my heart? Done.
    Stefano - What up Percy Sledge! I like the name Percy. Stef sand Percy's  "When a man loves a woman" I'm familiar with the Michael Bolton version, played on repeat on B 101.1 back in the day...what up Philly!? Anywho, ever notice how Stefano always holds the microphone with his left hand and sticks his stupid right hand out as if he is trying to change the world? (see below)

And he is back to closing his eyes! (see below again)

Old habits might bite him in the ass! But I didn't mind his performance and still think Stefano has a good voice and has a nice look to him. J Lo broke out "amazing", yet again. Unreal Jennifer.... unreal. But the crowd wasn't that loud after he finished singing, so that signifies to me he might be in the bottom 3. Or is it 2 tonight? Wait a minute... hmmmpphhh. Ehhh, fall back ladies and gentlemen... we're sticking with 3!
    Paul - With Paul, we saved the best for last.... SIKE! Haha, Paul's pitter patter kneecap is back! Paul sang Johnny Cash, which I actually thought was a solid choice for the irregularly trembling kneecap... Oh, I mean for Paul, not just his kneecap... But really come on, there is no way Paulie doesn't have a conscious awareness that his kneecap tremulously quivers while performing... and it's starting to get a little ri-godamn-diculous! I mean, knee injuries aren't typically an obstacle in the life of a musical performer, but in Paul's case, he is in dire need of the Pod MX K700 Kneebrace (see below).

 Or maybe an intense kneebrace like this:

Hopefully, this is the last time we will have to see Paul, because he deserves the boot tonight. Of course J Lo used her word for him (the word is "amazing" if you just caught on). What will be amazing is his exit stage left tonight, loosening all tendons in his knee. If by some chance he sticks around, we will definitely have some Chondromalacia Patella         (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chondromalacia_patellae) "popping" off.....
   
       Alrighty folks, I'll see you out on the stage tonight. Should be a good results show. Pumped. More shall be revealed! Hope you are all having a fantastic Thursday. :)
          
                               Samitz.......... OUT