IDOLISMS
An Editorial By Andrew Samitz
Good day to all! And so, another night of performances has happened. On this night, the 11 contestants sang songs from the great Sir Elton John. I love Elton John's songs, but could the contestants sing them to my liking?
Let's start off with Seacrest. Immediately, my eyes turn to his hair, which is no longer spiky on the top. It was now stylishly combed to the side. At first I thought, what a friggin' nerd! But than I remembered how successful he was and wished that I could be that nerd...
Scotty aka "Sherriff Woody from Toy Story": So country boy was the first to perform. Woody looks like a tall midget. His body hasn't grown into the size of his head; His domepiece is huge! Looks very cartoon-like with that goofy ass smile... And why was his posture so strange?? It looked as if he was sitting in an imaginary chair holding his guitar. Seemed like J Lo didn't love it, but Randy did, and YO, DUDE, Randy is my DAWG.
Naima "Ready ooman" (what a Jamaican man calls an attractive woman') Adedapo: Well, I really liked the stage set up with the guitarist and bassist in the front to the left and right side, but if that's what I liked the most about her performance, then Houston, we have a problem. Her performance felt like it was a mediocre opening act at a Ziggy Marley concert. It felt real, just not that good. It was cool and all and she will definitely be able to have a career performing, but only opening act type stuff, not even close to superstardom. Ballsy rendition of a song I haven't even figured out what it was yet, due to the reggae arrangement. I'm not going to bother trying to find out, I don't care. I do like her XL chicklet sized teeth. Her "skin teet" (rasta for smile) is intense with them teefers! But does America love them? We shalle see, but I do think there is an excellent chance my Rasta girl could be one of the two tonight that gets the boot.
Paul aka "La Rodilla Temblorosa!" (The Quivering Kneecap): Oh boy, here we go... So, Rocket Man is a great song, but I knew after Paul sang it, I wouldn't like it nearly as much, and I was right. He just isn't able to hit high notes, and I think his signature voice crack is horrendous. And when he hits a low note, he sounds terrible too. Like when at the end of the song he sings "Long, long 'time'"... time was whispered. You could barely hear it. Was this on purpose to add style and flare to his voice? Absolutely not. It was unintentional and a mistake, and Paul sucks. Become a crest model, DUDE. He will be getting kicked off tonight.
Pia "Mama Mia, Papa Pia!" Toscano: No question her voice is phenomenal. And no question she has a huge booty (not even close to J Lo's, but big). Cute dress, sparkly! Her voice is awesome though and while it was a ballad-esque performance, she definitely sang it with passion and it seemed to be a lot more from the inside, which is what the judges wanted. She reminds me of a young, more attractive, poppier Celine Dion. She's a shoe in to be around for much longer, maybe even win the thing.
Stefano "Mark Anthony's tinier, much less talented brother": Well, the guy playing the piano in his song had a sick leather jacket with matching hat, so that was cool. But his performance was not exciting at all, it was boring and slow. He reminds me of a Mexican wanna-be Nick Carter. He possibly could have a boy band career, but it seems like he thinks he is better and bigger than that, even though his dimensions are listed as 5'3", 140.... I see him as a 7th tier type boy band singer. He was also wearing so much make-up, it was very noticeable... Stefano will absolutely be eliminated tonight.
Sidenote: I can't stand when J Lo uses the word "amazing!!!" Makes me get that throw up taste in my mouth! And she says it to almost every singer, even when they're not amazing. Takes a lot of the significance out of the word. And in general, J Lo just really annoys me as a judge sometimes... Well, a lot of the time. I'd take PPP (Pill Poppin' Paula) back in a heartbeat.
Lauren "Peachy Peach" Alaina: My little peach! Although she suffers from the disease of 'gluteus maximus giganticus', she is really good. She has a great smile, and while she didn't break it out much in the song, I enjoyed seeing her happy and smiley after the judging. As Steven Tyler said to her, she finally sang like we saw her sing in her first audition, which was remarkable. J Lo did use the word amazing, again, but it was definitely the truth this time. Strong performance by Lauren. Oh and I love it how she hugs Ryan every time! She's sweet.
James "Twitchsicle" Durban: This guy looked like a retarded version of Alfred E. Newman. Or maybe he didn't look like him, but he certainly looked retarded! The mohawk looks slightly ridiculous on him, however...he was awesome! Really cool how he gets the crowd so into it, especially when he got the whole audience to clap along with him. Another instance of J Lo's "amazing" but he was. His scream at the end was fantastic! I mean, come on, this guy is definitely a weirdo, but when he is on stage, he looks like he is having so much fun out there dancing around on the piano and in the crowd. But where did the two step go?? I thought he was going to break that out every week from now on! Either way, James looks comfortable on stage and I think that makes people watching him feel good for him. One of the top dudes in the competition, no doubt no doubt.
Thia "Princess Guam" Megia: Sleepy performance! She does have a really pleasant voice and seems like a sweet girl, but she has this innocence about her that makes her appear less confident, and weaker in the competition. When she smiles and is more upbeat, I like her more. Like last week, she sang an upbeat song and moved around on stage a lot. Sure, the song wasn't that great, but she seemed to think so by her mannerisms and facial expressions post-performance, so good for her! I think she may stick around for a bit longer, but it's definitely possibly she'll be singing Elton John again tonight, with tears pouring down her face.
Casey "Drama Queen" Abrams: New look. He should've gelled his jew (?) fro. He should've shaved his entire beard. He should've changed his jacket. He should've changed his face!!! Haha, but on the for real for real, I really did enjoy his performance. I loved it how he sang the chorus, sounded really good. He also seemed more humbled and it seemed like he had less to say, which I think works out for him better. I definitely prefer this Casey, that smiled and nodded to the compliments and critiques of the judges; as opposed to the Casey that makes the sarcastic expressions, almost cocky, thinking he is being funny. But during the short Seacrest interview, he did start running his mouth again...Fast forward! Decent redemption considering his pathetic reaction to last weeks results.
Jacob "Church" Lusk: As J Lo redundantly says... AMAZING! Loved me some Church last night! Loved it how before he sang, in his video clip, the photographer said how great it was to work with Jacob because of all his great poses... I could imagine him posing for the camera, expressing his femininity! Humorous image. He sang the song very well and in control and didn't get too off the wall, which, as we've seen in previous performances, is when he slips up and sounds crappy. Notice how he sings out of the right side of his mouth? Looks stupid, but hey, whatever works! But I like it a lot how when he receives a compliment, instead of a big smile, it's as if he is on the verge of crying because he is so grateful and invested in this whole thing. Seems like a pretty dedicated person, and he has a great voice. But the thing that bothered me? His bow tie. Why the hell wasn't it tied?!?! Was that supposed to be stylish? He turned a nice suit and look he had going, into ridiculousness! For a gay guy, his style should be top notch, all the time. No excuses. Don't know why, but the untied bow REALLY bothered me... :)
- I also remember Robbie Rosen, our tribesman from Roslyn, New York. He sang the song Jacob sang in one of the auditions, before top 24. He sang it incredible, better than Church, but Robbie ain't here anymore, thus... Church dominates!
Haley "Curly Q": I don't love her always. She is cute, but sometimes dances and moves real awkwardly, as if she has a wedgie, but is trying to pick it out with her foot, instead of her hand. But I did think she did a nice job singing "Benny". She sounded really good when she kept saying "Benny" repeatedly. Smooth and crisp. This was a big redemption for her... And I liked it a lot even before I heard the judges excellent feedback. I don't agree with Randy that it was the best of the night, but it was definitely one of them, and I think it'll save her from being in the bottom three tonight. But who knows? It's in your hands America!!!
YO DUDE.......DOG! DAWG. SO, DUDE. YO. YO!SO CHECK IT OUT. YO. DOG!
Samitz......Out
