It’s begun! Idolisms 2012 has just stepped in the building… bringing the Idol truths to your doorstep. We’re about to blow this whole thing up together! It’s time for the battle to begin and the competition is looking very nice this season. Some real bloodhounds about to step up to the microphone and belt out melodic symphonies, while teeny boppers ponder whose number they will text in. Remember, it’s who has the LEAST votes who gets
THE BOOT
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It’s dudes tonight. Let’s go
Seacrest’s hair: Friggin’ amazing! What I would do to have a sack of hair like that! The gelled bristles of perfection. That side part is luscious! Look at the way he gets the gel in the nooks and crannies!
The Judges
LOOKING GOOD, LOOKING GOOD!
Reed Grimm: I really like this guy a lot and I think he’s got a very catchy sound, but those close ups of his schnoz have got to go. He’s got a little Rudolph the red nose pimple scar…. Must have been a big one! He sings Maroon 5’s “Moves Like Jagger”. Ballsy choice. The song is off the charts and everyone knows it! He’ll be scrutinized extra. He makes it different. He sexies it up with the little hooks. And he of course eventually creeps his way to the drums. But I love the whole jazz component he incorporates to any song he sings.
The judges liked his rendition too but weren’t so yaya. Randy liked the drums, J Lo thought it was a great start to the show, Steven loved it. He’s not going anywhere yet… Way to start off the show Reed!
Adam Brock: from PA. They show him in the kitchen cooking up some chicken. Dude’s a jack of all trades! He’s a family man, a chef and a singer. And he refers to himself as white chocolate? Ehhh I don’t know about that… If I wind up hating this guy I’m calling him The Bearded Goblin. Sings “Freedom”. He feels old and uncurrent. He is talented but not for this show. He’s also a crybaby…. Uber Soft!
Even though I didn’t love the performance, Steven called it brilliant, J Lo loved his finish and Randy loved the throwback vibe.
Kris Humphries brother is up next. His name is Deandre Brackinston but we are calling him Lil Keke. This guy is one of my faves from the audition. He reminds me of Mili Vanilli a little except he’s got actual pipes and not those lip sync pipes. Young stud, senior in high school, bi-racial. He is singing Earth, Wind and Fire’s “Reasons”. Not smart for teen bop voteage. His falsetto was a little much… I thought he could’ve taken it back a little. He also has crazy split ends but the girls definitely feel on the Lil Keke booty. He’s safe. I was disappointed in the performance, except the big high note he hit in the end.
J Lo said he Keke was perfect. Steve said he picked the right song to showcase his voice, and Randy called him one of the most commercial guys he has seen.
Colton Dixon: His sister was hot and hated him, so that was fun. He’s a music man, the piano man, even ukelele. Cool ass hair! He is trying to elevate his Seacrest hair game. He is singing Paramore’s “Decode” Rock on! He plays the piano and I am really digging this guys sound. His hair kind of look like a skunk just sat on top of his head, but I can dig it. His voice and stage presence takes over, and I really liked it when he starts dancing on the piano! He’s got a lot of possibilities.
Randy calls it indie rocker and liked it, and calls him relevant, Steven says to keep rocking and Jenny;
Don’t be fool by the rocks that she’s got… she’s still Jenny from the block.
Jeremy Rosado: His ear lobes are so fluffy! I WANT TO PET!!! But I like this guy from the audition and think his chubby cheeks and unbelievable ear lobes will keep him around. He also works at an Infectious Disease clinic….. weird! But he says the diseased people that walk in love him because he is so loveable! His voice is the real deal. He’s got a sensual swagger, sounds soft, sweet, FUZZY!!!
Wait, are we talking about his ear lobes or his voice? I’m a fan of this Rosado kid… forgetaboutit
Steve says it was as beautiful as beautiful gets, J Lo called him a care bear!! Loved that. And Randy was impressed with the tenderness, and said “I love you”. But I don’t think the audience loved him that much. Possible bootage.
Steven is as “confused as a baby in a topless bar.”
Aaron Marcellus: he’s from the ATL, where the pimps and the players dwell. He teaches voice lessons so he better know how to sing! I liked some of his auditions, but he doesn’t have much spark to him. Jackson 5, “Never Can Say Goodbye”. Great song, showed off his voice, but it was meh. Interesting hat, and what was with the pants with the duct tape on them???? I liked it when he hit falsetto a lot but he just wasn’t that exciting.
Randy said he had crazy runs (down his leg), J Lo said Randy said “boy can sing”, and Steve says he is the whole package… I disagree. Boot.
Chase Likens: Goes to Marshall like Randy Moss did, and Randy doesn’t write checks…. he uses straight cash, homie. Chase is a country boy and is hoping to be a good looking version of Scotty McCreery. I’m not a huge country fan, but I like this guy. I didn’t like Scotty one bit last year, and he won. So I’m keeping it real with the country this year and feel that since the finalists last year were both country singers, the country folk viewership will be even more off the Richter Scale.
Steven calls him a cowboy that looks like Brendan Frasier.. He does! J Lo said he sounded great, Randy says he’s ready. We’ll see.
Creighton Fraker: Former street performer, talks like a woman. He parties in the back (the makings of a mullet). I liked the dude in Hollywood week but something threw me off tonight, and it’s not because he’s gay. I don’t discriminate. He is singing “True Colors.” I’m sorry, but the rat tail chode on laying on his upper neck bothers me. I know he has a good voice, but I’ll never be on the same page.
J Lo talks about him going home already, Steven called it stupendous, and Randy says he has the voice. Nothing special. And I’m Not digging this Fraker cat, so Boot.
Philip Philips: Ha, Philly Philly! Works at a pawn shop… Got gold?
Phil is singing Phil, “In the Air Tonight” (which now just reminds of Mike Tyson singing it in The Hangover.) I’m a fan of Phil Phil. He’s a lot like Dave Matthews, how he holds his guitar, certain expressions he makes and how he gets into it while strumming. Unfortunately, I think his style might not be that welcomed. He can’t decide between jam band, alternative and jazz, and none of which a bop of a teener will vote for.
J Lo said they were talking about him after the auditions, Steven said he hits his stride and Randy didn’t love the remake of the melody. Randy also steals my Dave Matthews idea……Poss boot.
Eben Frankowicz: 15 year old young buck from Cinci. Really didn’t like him at first, but he grew on me when I saw he was paired off with David Leathers, the 17 year old-10 year old…. Kid annoyed me. Eben sings Adele “Set Fire to the Rain”. He sounds like a girl because he doesn’t have hair on his wiener. Wait a minute…. If you have hair on your wiener, you have a problem! But more on Eben, he did not sound good and , but still got a huge crowd response. He is trying to look like Bieber with his hair, and that frightens me because the little girls might vote him in and which would cause him to stick around.
Randy said he was calm and collected, J Lo says he held on and Steven says his melody was pitchy. Seems like a sweet boy, but Boot.
HEEJUN! I love this guy! He is hysterical the way he looks at the camera with his goofy ass looks and how he is real sarcastic and keeps can put on the straight face. He’s possibly a genius, and his voice is good too. He is singing “Angel” He needs to kill it to rock the Asian vote, and he was pretty smooth, but he was just alright, and I’ve seen much better. Not his greatest performance, and I’ll be sad to see if it causes him to not advance.
J Lo and Steven didn’t think it was the right song, and Randy agreed, however he said he was ‘mad talented’. He might get it.
Joshua Ladet aka Mantasia. He’s a Louisiana boy, and misses his down south cooking. He is rocking a fresh scarf; in LA. I remember this guy having some prime time moments in Hollywood week, where he shined. He is singing “You Pulled Me Through” I think he’s got a killer voice and I loved it how the audience got into it with the clap. Helped carry him. I thought he was outstanding. Reminded me Kirk Franklin, and he definitely got me swaying back and forth.
The judges agreed! And they gave him a standing ovation. Your boy is on the money. Randy said,
YO DUDE……..YO MAN.
LISTEN.
YO! YO DUDE, LISTEN!!!!!
YO MAN YO. BRO!
YO……… YO. Dude.
LISTEN DUDE YO. YO
Randy loved him, J Lo said he was insanely talented and Steve says he has the voice the world has been waiting to here. Josh will be sticking around.
They then pull the old switcheroo and brought back someone who hadn’t made it. It’s Jermaine! Jermaine Jones. Crybaby with a baritone! He’s the gentle giant as Seacrest said. Nice guy! Deep voice with that bassoon like tone. Lissppp.
Dude is towering over Seacrest, and it’s really funny!! Check it:
But of course Seacrest is still a powerhouse hunk, even at 5’3”.
Jermaine is singing Luther Vandross’s “Dance With My Father”. He seemed really nervous while singing, but I was really excited he was singing Luther. He is definitely likeable, and he sounded good. But I’m not sure how much voting action he’ll be getting. Randy said it was nice, J Lo thanked him for coming back, and Steve said the usual beautiful.
WOW, solid start guys… this show was a banger! But a lot of dudes have got to go. It’s a must that we weed out the nimrods. It's time to trim the fat. I want our contestants to be lean and mean. Fierce! Idolisms doesn’t have the time for mediocrity and I’m expecting these contestants to step their game up and get better each and every time I watch them perform. 6 will slip it on (the boot, not a condom).
What an awesome night! IDOLISMS ROCKS MY WORLD!!!!
See you tomorrow tonight. Can’t wait to watch the girls spank the planks.
Samitz………………….. OUT
