The Idolismologists and I have been putting our heads together, trying to determine who is in it to win it, and who deserves a crack at the top 24.... Very Solid first judgment night! They chose over half of the top 24... Here is the first batch... and it's a solid one.
Girls:
Jen Hirsch – tribal? Never saw her have a slip up in any of her auditions. I’m feelin’ her! Very solid.
Haley Johnson – surprised she made it. Nice country voice, Lauren Alaina kicks her ass though.
Elise Testone: Real powerful tone, huge voice, big potential to be a top 10.
Erica Van Pelt: Powerful voice, brovado. Not one of the stronger ones that made it, but still a nice voice on her. Didn't grab a pic of her.
Chelsea: Country singer, attractive... no Pia, but still nice. She screwed up in her last performance and she still got in. They like her, I do too. She won’t crack top 12 though.
Bailey Brown: Blonde country girl, pretty. Full package, Very strong voice, very strong contender. I think she might go very far in this... Perhaps top top 5? Her name even sounds like a famous country star! I'm a big Bailey Brown fan.
Jessica Sanchez: Only 16. She’s got a great voice and is well deserving to make the top 24.
Brielle: Saw her true colors in group week. Control freak, narcissistic, ego driven. Yet, she has a really cool voice... a little scratchy, kind of sexy. I knew she would make, she deserved it, but she’s kind of a bitch.
Boys:
Creighton Fraker- Starving artist, New York hippie rocker gospel cat. Interesting, unique, he sort of has a pompador afro mullet partying in the back..... but I'll try and look past it because he's artistic.... I'll let it slide.
Josh Ledee – looks like he is wearing a breath right strip. Real great voice, gospelly, raspy, powerful. Reminds me of a skinny, possibly straight Jacob Lusk. Didn't grab a pic, sorry.
Reed Grimm- What a character! Qwerky, goofy looking, scatting, awesome, funny, chill dude. He’s an entertainer, and a helluva musician, but is his voice his greatest instrument? Tough not to like this kid… he’s very charismatic and talented. No surprise at all that he is going through, a for certain top 10.
Richie Cowboy-thank god he didn’t make it…Creep
Heejoon: Friggin’ love this guy. Just seems like a warm person, considerate, great sarcasm. Love it that he helps brings some diversity to the competition, and most importantly, a really nice tone to his voice, and someone I hope sticks around for a very long time. Not sure he will, but he’s a crowd fave... that’s for sure.
Philip Philips: Cool name for one. I’ve liked this guy from the very beginning. He’s like a laid back hippie dude, but he seems like he could tweak at any moment and break out an uzi and blast all 3 judges.... Weird! So unique, really cool voice, combination of a bunch of singers, Dave Matthews/Daughtry/Ben Harper/John Mayer. No surprise he made it but not sure how much America will feel on him. He is not mainstream and his uniqueness may scare away teeny boppers, but I’m a believer.
Colton: Sweet hair with the blonde streak. Nice falsetto’s and is a cool kind of david grey punk rock dude on the piano. He’s smooth. He will get votes toward top 12 because he is the Adam Lambert looking guy of this year.
Adam Brock: Creative arts director guy, cool raspy voice. A very soulful cat. Oh, of course, they put us on a cliffhanger and we find out tomorrow if he makes it, and who of the rest of this quality batch of singers will crack the rest of the top 24.
We'll see you tomorrow for the second night of Final Judgement!
Last night’s “Performance Challenge” in Sin City was off the chain! I’m really impressed with the talent this year. We’re trudging through this audition process, and you can really start to tell who is the real deal. It’s exciting!
You know how Randy said to the room of losers, “this is the toughest competition I’ve seen in the 11 years I’ve been on the show…” Says it every year… and you know all of the shattered contestants he’s telling it to think it’s a load of horse, but who really cares, they’re outta here! Watch them skate away, say “Later dude!” There better contestants out there that are more mashed potato smooth….
But for real, their are some legit contestants out there. I see quite a few darkhorses and many singers that are ready to punish their microphone...
Here's a picture of our fresh to death judges, who in this picture look like they're asleep...
It’d be nice for me to run through all of the performances, but I’m saving my juicy and delicious commentary for when the real show begins, when America gets to vote..... I also don't want to shoot my load too early.....ha! Oy...
WHO IS IN IT TO WIN IT???
Memorable cats:
Reed Grimm: Goofy guy, seems funny and very charismatic. Great stage presence and voice. Beatbox abilities, a little scat scat scat scat scat (I’m a Scatman!) I like him, but what is the deal with his Rudolph the red nose? Yes for sure he has a schnoz (and I don’t believe he’s in the tribe), but his nose is always bright red as if he’s been rubbing it all day. It all up in your grill whenever he is on the screen! But more importantly, I think he will make it. But if he doesn’t, he can go back to being a nanny, which is what he actually does.
Young buck, Evan: with his lipstick kisses on his face. No rhythm, looked stiff and sounded fruity. Nice kid, but he’ll GET THE BOOT, soon. The group carried him and that’s the only reason he advanced….. He sounds like a skin flute. Here's Evan:
I enjoyed the Cowboy andJermaine Jonesduet. Two baritone voices, had you wonder, how is this going to sound? I wasn’t sure if they’d be able to pull it off, but I was pleasantly surprised.
Jermaine Jones has a very warm Luther Vandross-esque voice… It’s deep, baby.
And the Cowboy is really a trip! He is all affectionate and overly affectionate and would put his arm around Jermaine any chance he could get! Pat him on the shoulder, rub his shoulder, compliment him, and playfully tap him, try and shake his hand, rub him again… hilarious! Went overboard with it, touchy, feely.... creepy.
Have a gander at this picture of one of the 56 times Cowboy groped poor Jermaine:
I don’t think he is gay, just an awkard nerd, nice well mannered guy who means well and rocks a Cowboy hat.... But vocally, the Cowboy is nowhere near Scotty McCreery…. Yes, they wear the same hat, and yes I hated Scotty, aka Bobby from King of the Hill, and now I wouldn't minding stomping the new cowboy's face in the stage with my own cowboy boot! But I'll just relax.... He’ll be getting the boot from Steven Tyler and Company soon, so for now, I will just continue to laugh at him…. …
like the Asian Michael Bolton guy, Heejoon Lee did… He was funny as hell! Ripped on the Cowboy any chance he could get. It was hysterical at how great the production portrayed him. Classic! I hope to be seeing more of this guy…Not just because he is funny, but because he really has a nice voice! And I feel he will help Idol grow even more, by bringing an Asian viewership. KONICHIWA BITCHES!
The slick pony tails guys were weird as hell… Skeeved me out. They sang Elvis’s “Jailhouse” and looked like corny as hell. Great choreography, but a little too theatrical for me. I was surprised 3 of the 4 made it through.
Ummm... no.
Wow, omg… You won't believe this... My DVR jacked me up! An interruption during the recording and it stopped recording halfway through!
Damnit man, I missed the whole second half of the show... that’s irked up! I’m pretty salty, but I guess I’m grateful I got to see some of it and hope all of you were able to catch it to it’s entirety. There is definitely some more talent out there that I’m sure would’ve struck my fancy, but it’s all gravy baby… more contestants for us to acknowledge in the next entry, so stay tuned and strap it on, because we are living it up in the wonderful world of Idolisms!
Keep on bringing your game. If you’re not in it to win it, then exit stage left.
Hollywood Week in the world of Idolisms. Batter up:
Awesome first two nights! The solo night is great, the chance to pick out your contenders, the darkhorses, the people you want to kill. Last night was the group night. The group night is always entertaining. This is where you get to see the personalities of the contestants... Who is the dick? Who is the doormat? Who is a natural leader?
Who will be the next American Idol? Sorry, I know..... corny as hell, but it's just gotta be asked.
So in last nights show, as usual, we start off the night with a delicious Seacrest recount of last night's highlights... In one part of the clip, we see 16 year old Simone Black singing (she had an unbelievable voice) and then she finishes up starts to answer a question from Randy, when all of a sudden.....
Her knees started buckling and she starts losing her breath.........she starts breaking out into a sweat and is dizzily hobbling forward...She faints and falls off the stage! Whoa!!! Was this for real??? She literally passes out and takes a mean header off the stage! It was very creepy and sort of freaked me out.... quite the shocker!
My heart goes out to Simone and I hope she's doing well now....... but am I a sicko if I rewinded my DVR over 10 times to watch it over and over again and see the reactions on the judges face??? I don't want you to think I'm a horrible person... I'm not the type of guy that laughs at someone getting hurt, but the shock value of this and the reactions on the judges face were priceless.
Here is a very solid iPhone camera snipe of their reactions:
Oh, what's that? You really want to see it now? No need to youtube it...
Hey, get your mind out of the gutter! It's not what it sounds like... He sang a Celine Dion song, he didn't actually Pipe her!
Who you ask? David Leathers Jr... Cute little kid (No), teeth all overlapped, body and face of a 10 year old, but he is apparently 17. Really?? He also looks like a black Alfred E Newman. Wanna see?
So here is David, teeth all dangling.
Now, here is Alfred:
Don't tell me you don't see the similarities! Same teeth...same goofy ass smile.... He needs to step his Orthodontics game up!
But enough about his looks.....While this "ladies man" won't be getting any action from fellow contestants (that just wouldn't be cool), he def will be getting some love from the judges...
He's got that 'SWAG', or it's a reasonable attempt, rocking the Ray Bans with the fresh tie, v neck sweater. And he's got balls, because he sings Celine Dion's "Because You Love Me"..... Yes, he can go high! The kid has got an impressive voice on him and for a 10 year old, he certainly can sing... he's got some serious vocal game and while I don't see many people voting for him, I do see him cracking the final 24. See his Hollywood day 1 performance below:
When former Cardinals pitcher Joe Magrane asked Steven Tyler how he liked his hometown, he replied, "Hot, humid and happening… just like your daughter!" She was 15! Tyler is 63...So wrong.
Greetings Idolismers! We are just getting through these auditions, and then the show officially begins. IDOLISMS is about to be back! I'm pumped... Are you? Silly question... of course you're pumped!
Me and the gang causing some raucous in Hollywood... GIDDY UP!
This is where your world begins. This is where your dreams come true. This is where you find yourself. So, hang tight, hang loose, do what you do. But be ready, because................
Whoa! Apologies for the delay on this Idolisms entry! Didn't mean to put you on the edge of your seat for so long! I needed to digest the reality that I would be putting the book of Idolismology down for a bit...
The world of Idolisms has come to an end.... and a country singers journey is just beginning. Check out our final two:
Lauren Alaina and Scotty McCreery
The Finale
Seacrest still has got on the bow tie and the hair is more of a wavy spike with plenty of bedhead.
Randy: white dinner jacket and black bow tie, much better than last night!
J Lo: Gold glitter, lots of cleavage, looks fabulous.
Steven: Popped collar and lots of silver beaded necklaces.
Lauren and Scotty come out holding hands, again! Why? This is supposed to be a war of attrition! Righttt.... But really, have they been hooking up????
Sweet jacket Scotty.... Did you grip that from Jimmy? And Lauren looks cuddly
Lauren’s got her silver Raiders thang shirt going again with a white pant suit, and Scotty has got the young Elvis look going with his white shirt and pants.
Performances:
Nice to see the top girls all on stage together... A good look bunching, some fantastic singers, others, not so much. They were singing Lady Gaga’s “Born this way”
Pia was in the middle of the crew and was of course, IN IT TO WIN IT. To me, she was, in my opinion, the most talented and marketable singer. And best looking, edging Haley out in everything by a smidgeon.
And after the ladies all perform, just James Durbin is back in the game and performing with Judas Priest. I guess we are giving heavy metal a chance?
It was cool to see James back in his element. See part of James's journey and the performance below:
Jacob Lusk, Kirk Franklin and Gladys Knight perform a song called "Smile" next, which I hoped would be a shining moment for him Jacob, and he takes it to church!
This is where Jacob will thrive if he controls his flamboyancy. Dude's got some potential, and definitely has a strong voice; see it:
The next performance was Casey Abrams and Jack Black in which they song, something I love, “Fat Bottomed Girls!” It was entertaining, particularly because they were wearing the same outfits and are both scruffy bastards!
Jack was vocally dominant, but I did like Casey’s scatting and think he isn’t certain to get plenty of gigs in Jazz clubs. I'd go to Warmdaddy's and see him! Peep it:
The ladies of American Idol are on again! Looking sexy in black and red this time and singing Beyonce’s “Put a ring on it”, and then switching it up with“To the Left.” Other popped-off hits by the International bombshell Beyoare sang. They sound pretty good and I love Beyonce.
It appears Haley stole the Kurt Cobain looking Violinists garter belt because she is now rocking it, and is looking mint! And Pia was dressed as the sexy former G streeter Anna! With holes cut out above her hips and shoulders. Sexy.
Then Beyonce herself comes out and just steals the show! She is friggin’ gorgeous and a mega-platinum bombshell, that I’m sure all of these girls strive to be like.
Haley and Tony Bennett perform next. Interesting couple! I liked the Jazzy hooks and two-step choreography they had going.
Musically, this is the direction Haley needs to go. The jazzy/bluesy/rockish type genre. Though I don’t suggest her doing duets with 85 year old men.. even though Tony looked fantastic! It was a nice little show they put on together. See it here:
"To the windoowwwww, to the wall! And sweat drip down my....." Lil Jon pops on stage for about 8 seconds, giving the audience plenty of time to see what a nut this guy is. He then runs off the stage.. I guess to start sippin’ his crunk juice? He couldn't do that with all of those minors around!
Heeeeyaaayeeahhhhh!! OK! WHOOOOWWHHHATTT! This was followed by TLC (no Left Eye Lisa-RIP) They were singing the song "No Scrubs"...was this about Lil' Jon? Could be... They also then sang some of their other hits...Who chose these performers??? Eerily random batches of success from the past. See a video of the whole Lil Jon TLC action below:
In a later performance, Scotty comes out with Tim McGraw (what up Tug! Go Phils!) and they do a duet of one of Tim's biggest hits, “Live Like You Were Dying”, which I actually enjoyed a lot.
Tag team dude!
Check out their video clip below:
Tim was all ripped up in his tight tee and his nicely kempt beard. Scotty was wishing he could grow facial hair, but his voice was sounding pretty good, so I’ll cut the mongoloid baby face some slack.
J Lo’s hubby Marc Anthony performs next... He looks a mix between Steve Buschemi and a crackhead, but his wife is incredible.
He sings in all Spanish and I’m really not enjoying it too much...until J Lo comes out on stage and makes her booty clap for like 30 seconds straight!
Perfect time for her favorite word usage of, AMAZING! See it Jen shake what her Mama gave her right here!
All I gotta say is Mark is one lucky dude...
The guys amongst the top 11 are now performing. This was certainly a year with a lot of talented fellas, I have to say.
Stefano starts it off with a sweet falsetto! He can rip it. I miss the little puppy and wish him success. Paul seems to have more control of his kneecap now (he wasn't wearing his knee brace) and as a group, they sounded solid... but the girls performance together was much more entertaining... that is until Tom Jones joins the guys out on stage!
It certainly was unusual...........
Lady Gaga takes the stage next, singing her new single, “The Edge of Glory.” Of course she is her usual absurd self wearing an ugly chandelier on her head, with silver hanging beads as if she was trying to look like a hippie doorway...
She takes it off and exposes her silver studded stripper outfit and long blond extensions. By the way, she is singing on top of a quasi-realistic looking mountain, standing at the edge of a cliff, with a creepy guy leering behind:
And then he starts molesting her! See the evidence:
Is this a horrifying attempt to imitate Cirque du Soleil’s Zumanity??? A bit inappropriate for an American Idol show where the majority of the audience has a severe case of teeny boppage! And as the performance is ending, Lady Gaga and the molester commit suicide by jumping off the mountain?? Dude, that ain’t right.......
Next up is Lauren performing with her own idol, and former American Idol winner Carrie Underwood.
In the beginning of the song, I can barely hear Lauren, as she holds the microphone as if her voice is coming from under her chin. But then the peachy sweet girl starts shaking her peace tree and she breaks out that country swang America loves!
Underwood looks hot, glittery and sounds great. Her tan is soooo even! How does she do that!? My hope for Lauren is that her singing career is half as successful as Carrie’s. But I give Lauren props for sticking with her and doing pretty damn good. See for yourself:
And next, Beyonce is back!! Singing 1+1..... 1+1, me + her? I mean we’re both in it to win it, so I think we could make it work... And it seems like she wants it to work it with me because she repeatedly is singing to me, “Make Love to Me.” ::blushes:: Look at her!
Whoa there.... I think you know what this woman is... that's right.... In it to win it? And as the great (?!) Charlie Sheen says, "WINNING."
Bono’s in town! A Spiderman song composed by Bono and The Edge starts. It sounds like the James Bond theme, and all of a sudden, out of a nowhere, Spiderman himself lands from the sky and into the crowd!
He then proceeds to jump on Seacrest’s back, where he then starts tangling his web around Ryan's neck! He is choking the hell out of him, that is until Bono breaks out his death grip and rips Spiderman off Ryan!! Where Bono then proceeds to stomp on his face in the stage repeatedly........
But it's tough to make out the intensity in his eyes because of the slight tint on classic Bono Emporio Armani shades....
As Spiderman is hurled onto the stage, Bono is stomping the hell out of him and it is said that for every successful stomp, he donated $10,000 to "Idol Gives Back." Due to graphic violence, I was only able to recover the edited version. See it here:
In the last performance of the night, before the results, our man Steven Tyler is seated at the piano, performing my favorite Aerosmith song, “Dream On.” Then he starts jammin' out... The dude’s still got it! A friggin' rockstar. Look at him!
He is like Mick Jagger, but more frog-like. Hey Steven, (“u da bomb!”~J.S.) He will never die, and he rips it up in his performance! See the performance here:
It's a very short version of the song because apparently Steven's vocals were a little sore. He was a very unique judge this year. Charming, hilarious and bizarre. I want him back next year for sure.
Speaking of our judges, let’s take a brief look to honor them... As said, Steven was off the wall at times but very charming in his own way. The video clip referred to him as “The Loose Cannon.” He had some incredible quotes this season! (I’ll be writing a blog entry of his top quotes at some point.)
Next, my fave of the judges Randy Jackson aka “The Veteran”. I mean dude, come on.... Obviously we know he is in it to win it! YO, he kills it every night! The video playing shows multiple clips of him exclaiming "_______ is in it to win it! YO... DUDE, I loved it! Hilarious.
And last we have Jennifer Lopez aka “The Most Beautiful Woman in the World” where they showed clips of auditioners telling her how beautiful she is....
This is a picture of her in her performance of her club banger "On the Floor."
Ganaria en ella!
After the clip, Jen stood up to wave to the crowd, but when she tries to sit back down in her seat, she needs Randy and Steven to each push a butt cheek inward so she is able to fit back in... Not a bad gig them! See for yourself below how hard this maneuver must've been:
We then saw some hilarious clips of horrific Idol auditions, commentated by Ryan’s protege Joe (a strange fella who auditioned for Idol and wearing a tux jacket with khaki shorts in birkenstocks.....mmmmmkkkkk...
Some people love watching the awful auditions, others hate it. I’m a lover. It’s where I pick out my early favorites, and find superstars like Pat Ford singing Britney’s “Womanizer...(see video of Pat shouting "HOLLERRRRR!" in one of the previous blog entries.)
We cut to a commercial after the recaps of funny auditions and Ryan is standing in the audience alongside who but, Warren Sapp?? Why??? I pause it and glance around to realize more random as hell people are attending the finale! Of course their are normies like David Cook, Lee DeWyze and other former contestants and successful musicians; but then I see David Copperfield (and then he disappears), Lebron and Tiger are sitting next to each other (holding hands????) and in front of them is Al Gore sitting next to OJ Simpson?? Quite the strange bunch of Idol lovers, but dude, you've gotta love the diversity.
And finally.... the moment we have all been waiting for......THE RESULTS!! The show was dragged out and must have been painful for Lauren, for she is on the verge of tears already, as usual. And Scotty is standing there looking cool and confident, enormous cranium and all. Well spoken Sir Edward Boddington (great beer) comes out with the envelope, Seacrest says to dim the lights...... and they cut to a COMMERCIAL....
SIKE!!! AHH! That would've sucked! The suspense would've been piercing...
Seacrest opens the envelope and reads......
SCOTTY MCCREERY WINS!
::gulp:: ::throw up taste:: But hey, good for him! He worked hard for it! And remember that music teacher guy who made top 24 but did that horrifying Usher that turned him down in the group auditions?? HA! Salyt.
I hated Scotty him the whole time because of how goofy he looked, and somehow he managed to still pull off the win. So I give him credit... And I'll try not to let this decimate my view on Idol too much, but I do think there were other contestants more worthy of winning, and I'm not alluding to Lauren.... although she was my fave since the beginning of our Idolisms journey....
Scotty was in it to win it the whole time. I'm still not a fan at all and wouldn't be caught dead in Sam Goodies buying his CD. But I do wish him the best and see glimmers of success in his future......
But wait; all of a sudden, Lauren grabs all of the attention away by grabbing Scotty’s head and starts to make out with him on stage!
He doesn't appear to be declining the kiss and it looks mutual. Lauren is definitely the aggressor and is kissing him as if she was a Tyrannnosaurus Rex gettin' some! It's getting so graphic and absurd that I start thinking that it is all staged (Seacrest produced, of course), or at least America and I are hoping it is.... but it’s starts to get hot and heavy and entirely inappropriate, especially for two honor roll students.... Is this really happening? ::cotton mouth taste now:: It is.
We hear Ryan in the background screaming "Cut to commercial, cut to commercial!!" The screen goes blank.....
According to the Idolism Street Journal, this obscene footage leaked on the internet for a millisecond...and apparently there was only one person who was able to get a hold of it in time. And get this Idolismers.... It was me... and you can see it first hand, next year in the world of Idolisms, 2012!
Hope ya stick around, the Idolisming is just beginning.......................
