IT'S THE TOP 9 JUMP OFF!

The judges look ready to kick some ass!

As we know, Steven got out of the State Pen last week... and is still wearing his pants!

Randy is dressed in all black and wait, are those candy necklaces??? Mmmmmm, I love candy necklaces!

J Lo is the leader of the pack and is showing America whose boss by wearing her own design of the incredible hulk glove, available at Macy’s April 27^th.

SEACREST'S HAIR: Usual midget mancrush. But my attention this week isn’t on his hair, it’s on his incredible tie clip! I can tell at glance that it’s good stuff, no need to use the gun! And it actually makes the little guy look like a badass ready to take names!

From now on, if you ever see me wearing a tie, expect to see a legit tie clip on it.....

Our Idols tonight are taking on their own Idols tonight. It’s the top 9. We are trimming the fat, Idolismers… weeding out the nimrods…. And those nimrods are pretty freakin’ good! This should be a great show.

We start off with Tommy Hilfiger giving them a pep in his tightie whities, on talk on how to take off their jeans. He and then slaps them on the asses and tells them to go get 'em! Check out the jewfro kid n play boxtop he is sporting:

COLTON: Colton comes out looking suave in a white dinner jacket!

He is singing a song by Lighthouse, his favorite worship song. I didn’t know that Colton was spiritual; and it makes like him even more. It fits his whole stage presence and when I saw the audience waving their hands and swaying back and forth, I was like, this dude is in it to win it…… Colton is my boy! Safe.

Steven said he was a dream come true, J Lo said she was moved, and Randy liked his jacket and said he was a finale contender!

SKYLAR: She’s got the country crock glitzy leather jacket and comes out firing like a little pistol! 

She is singing her idol Miranda Lambert, wife of another kickass judge, Blake. I’m not a huge country fan at all, but I like the song and Skylar is kind of growing on me. She is nothing like my peach Lauren Alaina, but I can certainly dig it.

J Lo said it was unbridled energy, Steven said she had the dirty south twang and Randy said she was a powerhouse singer. She should be safe.

Next, Colton Elise and Philip performing together???? Well wait, aren’t Phil Phil and Elise still performing tonight? I didn’t think that was fair at all and I fast forwarded it in disgust.

HEEJOON: Heejoon really let me down last week and for me, is at the bottom of the pack. He is singing Donnie Hathaway and comes out on the stage looking like he is going to the prom with his boutonierre. His hat also reminds me of a Korean version of Ben Harper.

He sounded good, and seemed passionate, but I kept thinking about how bamboozled I was by his performance last week, and I think he should definitely be in the bottom 3.

Steven liked it, J Lo said it was beautiful, and Randy said his tone was buttery. Mmmmmmmm, butter.... 

Next, we see Ryan talking to Jason Derulo, who is wearing a blinged out neck brace? WHAT?!?! It's weird, and kind freaks me out... check it out:

HOLLIE: She is singing “Jesus Takes the Wheel” by Carrie Underwood. In the clip before her performance, Stevie Nix looks like she is going to make out with Hollie, while Jimmy creepily looks on, exemplifying his pedophilia...(I don't know why I pick on the guy so much)

Hollie sounds phenomenal, and the snow falling in the background gives me a warm Christmas feeling. But I was a little bored too.

Randy gave her “constructive criticism,” while J Lo felt it was one of her best, and Steven said he didn’t hear her full range. I still like her a lot and would be upset if she were in the bottom 3.

DEANDRE: First time I didn’t call him Kris Humphries! Anyhow, he is singing “Sometimes I Cry” by Eric Benet. I’m a bit sick of Deandre... So sick of him I’m DeAndre Brackensick! But he pulls off some very nice falsetto notes in this performance and I have to admit, it impressed me. There's still a good chance of him being in the bottom 3, because the only thing good about him is his curly hair

 In addition to Kris Humphries, Denadre also reminds me of a bi-racial version of Curly Sue…

The judges loved it and gave him a standing o. But I still think he’ll be in the bottom 3. 

JESSICA: She is performing Beyonce, and I have very high expectations for Jessica, because I like both her and Beyonce a lot. She sounded great, but it sounded fluttery. Maybe it was the harp that gave me the flutters? She looked cute:

She was very good, but she has been so money the past few weeks, that a very good performance no longer cuts it. But she will still be safe, and to me, is still a frontrunner to win the whole thing.

J Lo said something unoriginal, Steven said she has more in her but it was still delicious and Randy said she showed resolve and that Colton should look out!

And we have another medley..... Josh, pre performance, with Heejoon and Kris that already performed and have now changed! Not cool dude… I don’t think that’s right at all and I don’t want to watch them as a group unless it’s a Ford Focus commercial.

PHIL PHIL: Singing Johnny Lang. Stevie said Mick would’ve asked him to join Fleetwood… Wow, quite the compliment! Phil comes on the stage with an electric guitar and uncombed hair, and was awesome!

He has had more memorable performances, but this was still a great one, and his originality is always refreshing. He’s not going anywhere.

The judges loved it and gave him another standing o.

JOSH:  Josh is singing Mariah. His jacket is pretty out there, but Josh is a pretty flamboyant guy so it fits him well.

He has a great voice and brought it to church at the right times this week. His emotions got to him at the end, and I believed it.

Randy called it brilliant, Steven said he pushed himself beyond his limits, and J Lo said he was something special. He's safe.

Another mini group performance. Fast forward.

ELISE: She is singing Led Zeppelin and I have a feeling she will rock it. Elise’s attitude has gotten to me the past few weeks, but I’m willing cut her some slack because I feel guilty about calling her a bitch because that is not nice.

She had sweet bell bottoms on! 

She also sounded awesome, but not as good as when Adam Lambert performed it. But while Elise pulled it off and is back in my good graces, I believe she will still be in the bottom 3 for the 3rd consecutive week.

The judges said she did an amazing job and congratulated her.

What a show! The performaces were out of control tonight! The judges said it best, there was something in the water! Idolisms is delighted to have such a talented batch of vocal prowess.

Samitz.

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