GLOBALISMS

We are now officially global. BLOWING UP!!!!

 

Semifinalist Girls Perform

Drop down and get your idolisms on!

Last night the guys put on quite the show…. Now it’s time for the ladies! The ladies are looking and sounding good this season. Rumorvilleisms Exponent was saying the talent lay more with the girls…. We Shall See!

Seacrest’s Hair: Immaculate. Same en vogue comb over from last night. This guy! This is a crappy picture, but he looks high so it is funny.

The judges look great! Steve’s outfit is always pretty similar…bell bottom pants, leopard skin trenchcoat mafia, a hat. J Lo looks fine in (or not in) anything, and is very fashionable. Same with Randy. Those two are unpredictable and always dress fresh to impress. Love ‘em all in their own ways.

It’s time to see what these girls can do! Idolisms welcomes the Semifinalist girls… I’m looking for them to sing their brains out, to avoid slipping on the boot.

OK, here we go; the ladies have stepped in the building.

Chelsea Sorrell: Chelsea is a country gal and singing Idol’s own Carrie Underwood’s “Cowboy Cassanova.” I think it is ballsy to sing it because of how well known it is, particularly in Idol world. She sang it pretty good but nothing special. Her boobs are pressed up and bouncing. I didn’t mind that.

Randy wondered if it was the best song choice, J Lo said it was nasal, Steve said she should watch her timing. Slip it on chel chel.

Erika Van Pelt: It was pointed out to me by a distinguished idolismologist that there is a boatload of blondes in this competition. Erica is the first of them, and she is singing “What About Love”. She is great and her voice empowers me. She sounds a little like Cher and I was digging it.

Steven said she breathed wings into the song, J Lo thought she could’ve went further, and Randy said “WELL YO”, and then said she showed an Adele element. An adelement.

Jen Hirsch: Cali girl tribesman of the competition, she is singing Adele’s “One and Only” and I feel she is better than the other 2, pretty quickly. She then slows down but picks it up and belts out some real nice notes towards I immediately consider her a legit contender. Plus she’s tribal, so I have to holler.

J Lo thought it was beautiful, Steve said she was soaring and Randy said she had the swag with the runs that she did. Safe.

Brielle Von Hugel: The group week control freak from Staten Island. The Snooki of the competition. She is singing Otis Redding’s “Sitting on Dock of the Bay.” She starts out sitting next to Heejoon and he pops a boner! Her voice is deep in the beginning and then she lets loose and gets feisty with the microphone, has a real strong ending. Not sure about her yet. She’s love her or hate her kind of gal and I don’t know which side to hop on.

Steven said it was well done, J Lo says she is underestimated and she ate it up, and Randy said he was surprised and didn’t know she had all that swag!

Hallie Day: I remember from Hollywood week that she was great. She is singing “Feeling Good” and she still sounds great The crowd seems real into her and she definitely brings that sassiness to the stage! I like her and know she will stick around, but I can’t determine her style.

J Lo said she looks like a star, Steven said her voice is old fashioned and that’s coming back, as proved by Adele, and Randy says she has the voice but, like me, isn’t sure what kind of artist she should be.

Skylar Laine: Mississippi gal who is a little Reba McIntyre, which was pointed out by J Lo. She is singing “Stay with Me” by Faces. She comes out like a little pistol pete and brings that exciting country twang to the table! She’s very up beat, gets the crowd into it, and sings great, and lets out a big one at the end! (No, not a fart) She’s sweet and is definitely sticking around.

Randy said she was a rockin’ country girl and had great energy, J Lo said it was like Tina Turner went country and it was great, and Steve called her a pistol too. She’s safe.

Bailey Brown: Busty blondie from Texas. She had a memorable audition and continued to bring it throughout Hollywood week. Tonight she is singing Lonestar’s “Amaze”, and it’s not comparable to the previous performance. She sounds nervous, like she is going flat at points, but I didn’t mind her boobs popping out of that red dress! Definite boot.

Steven said he has heard her sing better, J Lo said it didn’t seem like she had total control and Randy said it was good but not great. Bye bye Bailey.

Hollie Cavanaugh: She is singing “Reflection” Another little blondie. She either has a speech impediment or a British accent, but I don’t notice it when she is singing. At first I wasn’t impressed, but she winds up breaking out some huge notes and really threw down the mustard. Holly’s skirt kind of makes her look like a hooker, but she belts out some incredible notes! She is kind of bland though, reserved, not much excitement, but she is still a force in the competition.

Steven said she hit her notes perfectly, J Lo looks forward to her doo-doo and Randy said she was one of their favorites and loved her vocals.

Hailey Johnson: First off, her last name is Johnson, and she is from Beavertown! She is the total package! A Johnson and a Beaver? Boy, that’s a lot of pressure…. She is singing “Sweet Dreams” and I think of Marilyn Manson and expect her to come out with yellow contacs like a freak. Instead she is just a Johnson. She is not a contender at all and is the most definite boot of any of the ladies tonight. Peace out beaver creek.

J Lo said she did special things with her voice, Steven said she pulled it through and Randy said it was a nightmare.

Shannon Magrane: She is sexy, illegal, and 6’4”. Her Dad still wants to kick Steven’s ass for saying his daughter was “hot, humid and happening.” She is singing “Your World” and looks like she is going to Senior Prom. She kills it and is very mature for her age, which shows in her singing. This is my first prop bet of the year and I think she might be a top fiver.

Randy said she is mad young but calm, cool and collected, J Lo said she sings with such passion for a 6’7” 16 year old and it gave her goosebumps, and Steven said it was gorgeous.

Jessica Sanchez: She is already breaking out excuses saying her vocal chords are swollen! Come on… I don’t care how good she sounds, that ain’t an idol. She needs to pull her panties out of the bunch and step up to the mic!

She is singing “Love You, I Do” and she SLAY’S (not sleighs, haha) it! The best performance of the night. Didn’t seem like her throat was swollen. She really needs braces too, Uncle buck.

The judges give her a standing ovation, the crowd is chanting her name, and I was on the same page. Randy says YO about 1000x and then says she is one of the best from the past 2 nights, J Lo said it was crazy, she had that growl, that attitude, control and Steven said she had exceptional timing.

Elise Testone: At 28, she is one of the older people in the competition, so we will see if her experience pays off. She is singing Adele’s “One And Only” and it is cool to see her at a piano. She sounds great and I’m feeling the raspiness in her voice, but it also seemed a little too screamy at times. But overall I was digging Elise because I thought she really brought it and her bluesy appeal is intriguing.

Steve said typical, it was beautiful, J Lo said her tone is so special and Randy says he hopes America gets you.

The girls really rocked it out tonight! I think I enjoyed it more than the boys, but they were both fantastic.

I'm pooped! Goodnight!

Samitz......OUT

Boys of the Top 24

It’s begun! Idolisms 2012 has just stepped in the building… bringing the Idol truths to your doorstep. We’re about to blow this whole thing up together! It’s time for the battle to begin and the competition is looking very nice this season. Some real bloodhounds about to step up to the microphone and belt out melodic symphonies, while teeny boppers ponder whose number they will text in. Remember, it’s who has the LEAST votes who gets

THE BOOT

It’s dudes tonight. Let’s go

Seacrest’s hair: Friggin’ amazing! What I would do to have a sack of hair like that! The gelled bristles of perfection. That side part is luscious! Look at the way he gets the gel in the nooks and crannies!

The Judges

LOOKING GOOD, LOOKING GOOD!

Reed Grimm: I really like this guy a lot and I think he’s got a very catchy sound, but those close ups of his schnoz have got to go. He’s got a little Rudolph the red nose pimple scar…. Must have been a big one! He sings Maroon 5’s “Moves Like Jagger”. Ballsy choice. The song is off the charts and everyone knows it! He’ll be scrutinized extra. He makes it different. He sexies it up with the little hooks. And he of course eventually creeps his way to the drums. But I love the whole jazz component he incorporates to any song he sings.

The judges liked his rendition too but weren’t so yaya. Randy liked the drums, J Lo thought it was a great start to the show, Steven loved it. He’s not going anywhere yet… Way to start off the show Reed!

Adam Brock: from PA. They show him in the kitchen cooking up some chicken. Dude’s a jack of all trades! He’s a family man, a chef and a singer. And he refers to himself as white chocolate? Ehhh I don’t know about that… If I wind up hating this guy I’m calling him The Bearded Goblin. Sings “Freedom”. He feels old and uncurrent. He is talented but not for this show. He’s also a crybaby…. Uber Soft!

Even though I didn’t love the performance, Steven called it brilliant, J Lo loved his finish and Randy loved the throwback vibe.

Kris Humphries brother is up next. His name is Deandre Brackinston but we are calling him Lil Keke. This guy is one of my faves from the audition. He reminds me of Mili Vanilli a little except he’s got actual pipes and not those lip sync pipes. Young stud, senior in high school, bi-racial. He is singing Earth, Wind and Fire’s “Reasons”.  Not smart for teen bop voteage. His falsetto was a little much… I thought he could’ve taken it back a little. He also has crazy split ends but the girls definitely feel on the Lil Keke booty. He’s safe. I was disappointed in the performance, except the big high note he hit in the end.

J Lo said he Keke was perfect. Steve said he picked the right song to showcase his voice, and Randy called him one of the most commercial guys he has seen.

Colton Dixon: His sister was hot and hated him, so that was fun. He’s a music man, the piano man, even ukelele. Cool ass hair! He is trying to elevate his Seacrest hair game. He is singing Paramore’s “Decode” Rock on! He plays the piano and I am really digging this guys sound. His hair kind of look like a skunk just sat on top of his head, but I can dig it. His voice and stage presence takes over, and I really liked it when he starts dancing on the piano! He’s got a lot of possibilities. 

Randy calls it indie rocker and liked it, and calls him relevant, Steven says to keep rocking and Jenny;

Don’t be fool by the rocks that she’s got… she’s still Jenny from the block.

Jeremy Rosado: His ear lobes are so fluffy! I WANT TO PET!!! But I like this guy from the audition and think his chubby cheeks and unbelievable ear lobes will keep him around. He also works at an Infectious Disease clinic….. weird! But he says the diseased people that walk in love him because he is so loveable! His voice is the real deal. He’s got a sensual swagger, sounds soft, sweet, FUZZY!!!

Wait, are we talking about his ear lobes or his voice? I’m a fan of this Rosado kid… forgetaboutit

Steve says it was as beautiful as beautiful gets, J Lo called him a care bear!! Loved that. And Randy was impressed with the tenderness, and said “I love you”. But I don’t think the audience loved him that much. Possible bootage.

Steven is as “confused as a baby in a topless bar.”

Aaron Marcellus: he’s from the ATL, where the pimps and the players dwell. He teaches voice lessons so he better know how to sing! I liked some of his auditions, but he doesn’t have much spark to him. Jackson 5, “Never Can Say Goodbye”. Great song, showed off his voice, but it was meh. Interesting hat, and what was with the pants with the duct tape on them???? I liked it when he hit falsetto a lot but he just wasn’t that exciting. 

Randy said he had crazy runs (down his leg), J Lo said Randy said “boy can sing”, and Steve says he is the whole package… I disagree. Boot.

Chase Likens: Goes to Marshall like Randy Moss did, and Randy doesn’t write checks…. he uses straight cash, homie. Chase is a country boy and is hoping to be a good looking version of Scotty McCreery. I’m not a huge country fan, but I like this guy. I didn’t like Scotty one bit last year, and he won. So I’m keeping it real with the country this year and feel that since the finalists last year were both country singers, the country folk viewership will be even more off the Richter Scale.

Steven calls him a cowboy that looks like Brendan Frasier.. He does! J Lo said he sounded great, Randy says he’s ready. We’ll see.

Creighton Fraker: Former street performer, talks like a woman. He parties in the back (the makings of a mullet). I liked the dude in Hollywood week but something threw me off tonight, and it’s not because he’s gay. I don’t discriminate. He is singing “True Colors.”  I’m sorry, but the rat tail chode on laying on his upper neck bothers me. I  know he has a good voice, but I’ll never be on the same page. 

J Lo talks about him going home already, Steven called it stupendous, and Randy says he has the voice. Nothing special. And I’m Not digging this Fraker cat, so Boot.

Philip Philips: Ha, Philly Philly! Works at a pawn shop… Got gold?

Phil is singing Phil, “In the Air Tonight” (which now just reminds of Mike Tyson singing it in The Hangover.) I’m a fan of Phil Phil. He’s a lot like Dave Matthews, how he holds his guitar, certain expressions he makes and how he gets into it while strumming. Unfortunately, I think his style might not be that welcomed. He can’t decide between jam band, alternative and jazz, and none of which a bop of a teener will vote for.

J Lo said they were talking about him after the auditions, Steven said he hits his stride and Randy didn’t love the remake of the melody. Randy also steals my Dave Matthews idea……Poss boot.

Eben Frankowicz: 15 year old young buck from Cinci. Really didn’t like him at first, but he grew on me when I saw he was paired off with David Leathers, the 17 year old-10 year old…. Kid annoyed me. Eben sings Adele “Set Fire to the Rain”. He sounds like a girl because he doesn’t have hair on his wiener. Wait a minute…. If you have hair on your wiener, you have a problem! But more on Eben, he did not sound good and , but still got a huge crowd response. He is trying to look like Bieber with his hair, and that frightens me because the little girls might vote him in and which would cause him to stick around.

Randy said he was calm and collected, J Lo says he held on and Steven says his melody was pitchy. Seems like a sweet boy, but Boot.

HEEJUN! I love this guy! He is hysterical the way he looks at the camera with his goofy ass looks and how he is real sarcastic and keeps can put on the straight face. He’s possibly a genius, and his voice is good too. He is singing “Angel” He needs to kill it to rock the Asian vote, and he was pretty smooth, but he was just alright, and I’ve seen much better. Not his greatest performance,  and I’ll be sad to see if it causes him to not advance.

J Lo and Steven didn’t think it was the right song, and Randy agreed, however he said he was ‘mad talented’. He might get it.

Joshua Ladet aka Mantasia. He’s a Louisiana boy, and misses his down south cooking.  He is rocking a fresh scarf; in LA. I remember this guy having some prime time moments in Hollywood week, where he shined. He is singing “You Pulled Me Through” I think he’s got a killer voice and I loved it how the audience got into it with the clap. Helped carry him. I thought he was outstanding. Reminded me Kirk Franklin, and he definitely got me swaying back and forth. 

The judges agreed! And they gave him a standing ovation. Your boy is on the money. Randy said,

YO      DUDE……..YO MAN.

LISTEN.

YO! YO DUDE, LISTEN!!!!!

YO    MAN     YO. BRO!  

YO……… YO. Dude.

LISTEN         DUDE YO.   YO

Randy loved him, J Lo said he was insanely talented and Steve says he has the voice the world has been waiting to here. Josh will be sticking around.

They then pull the old switcheroo and brought back someone who hadn’t made it. It’s Jermaine! Jermaine Jones. Crybaby with a baritone! He’s the gentle giant as Seacrest said. Nice guy! Deep voice with that bassoon like tone. Lissppp.

Dude is towering over Seacrest, and it’s really funny!! Check it:

But of course Seacrest is still a powerhouse hunk, even at 5’3”.

Jermaine is singing Luther Vandross’s “Dance With My Father”. He seemed really nervous while singing, but I was really excited he was singing Luther. He is definitely likeable, and he sounded good. But I’m not sure how much voting action he’ll be getting. Randy said it was nice, J Lo thanked him for coming back, and Steve said the usual beautiful.

WOW, solid start guys… this show was a banger! But a lot of dudes have got to go. It’s a must that we weed out the nimrods. It's time to trim the fat. I want our contestants to be lean and mean. Fierce! Idolisms doesn’t have the time for mediocrity and I’m expecting these contestants to step their game up and get better each and every time I watch them perform. 6 will slip it on (the boot, not a condom).

What an awesome night! IDOLISMS ROCKS MY WORLD!!!!

See you tomorrow tonight. Can’t wait to watch the girls spank the planks.

Samitz………………….. OUT