Pia's Turns Her Boot Into Record Deal and Hunk

So as you all know, Pia Toscano got the boot from Idol last Thursday. I was dismayed, as were the judges... but we all knew that something positive would come from this "Debacle of Pia." And it certainly did! It only took one day for the talented Jersey native to score a record deal with the prominent Interscope Records.
    Us idolites know from past seasons, that you don't need to win the show to become a star in the music industry. Remember Jennifer Hudson? She didn't win, yet she got an Oscar and numerous Grammy's... And Chris Daughtry? He didn't win either, but had multiple #1 singles on the billboard charts.
    Only one day after the boot, Pia slipped on her Manolo's and galloped into the Interscope office as if she was a beautiful Unicorn with a horn made of platinum. Everyone wanted a piece!
     It's also been heard that Pia is getting some action, on top of the record deal! She is now dating Dancing with the Stars hunk Chris Ballas.

What a catch! (For Chris....) And good for you two! (I'm bitter....)
    Speaking of Pia's love life, it has been rumored that Scotty McCreery had been trying to put the moves on Pia the entire contest, and kept getting denied. This angered the Woody look alike, and Scotty started badmouthing Pia, making fun of her ridiculous white oompa loompa jumpsuit (see below) that Gwen picked out for her and her ever growing buttox... any chance he could get! It is said that this could be one of the reasons that she got voted off....

    But in the Seacrest produced episode of "Shocking American Idol Clips: The Dirt You Have Got To See!" (only available on Pay per view) Pia was seen smashing Scotty's Gibson Les Paul guitar and stabbing him in the head with her stilleto (which was a Sketchers at the time, but now the star only wears Manolo Blahnik and Christian Lubiton.) Below is a picture of Scotty after the shoe incident:

Naturally, Scotty's cranium healed immediately, for he is a cartoon character... It is said that Pia's album will be called "Now What Scotty?!?!"
    For now, Mazel Tov Pia. You will be missed on the show, but the world loves you even more now.

Samitz....OUT