TOP 8 DO IT BIG

Well folks, after giving Heejoon the boot last week, we are now down to 8! It’s been a season of so much talent, and so much more to come. Tonight is 80’s night. I thought it was movie night, but am excited for this theme, being that I'm an 80’s baby, and I can remember kicking my mother’s belly, listening to Jeffrey Osborne’s “Carribean Queen." That was me dancing!

Judges: 

They always look good, and such easy targets to make fun of! We have Steven, looking like a gay manican with down syndrome. We then have J Lo wearing a hula skirt made out of strips of iguana skin. And Randy has got the patriotic polka dot thing going on and pulls it off because he is the dawg.

Seacrest’s Hair: He is going natural?? No gel! Or... not much gel. So a normal amount of gel. And he still has the unbelievable tie clip, yes! I also noticed he always has a different color queue card in his outer jacket pocket, which of course will be a new trend soon.

Here we have a warped pic of Ryan, making his dome piece look huge:

 Guest mentor this week: Gwen Stefani, lead singer of No Doubt. No doubt, Gwen is fine! She is a gorgeous person with perfect lips. 

Here is a pic of her and her band… People used to tell me I looked like their bassist, the guy in the red pants…. Lol

Jimmy is dressed as the usual douchebag on his on his way to the Yankees game.

THE TALENT:

Kris Humphries (Deandre): “I Like It” by Debarge. 

Dear Kris,  Actually Kris, I don’t like it. And I don’t like you and want you gone. Your voice now irritates and I’d like to donate your hair to locks for love and give you a shoe horn to help you slip on his boot….. The judges thought it was exceptional! Ugh

LOOKS LIKE AN IDIOT

Elise: She’s been coming on strong as of late, but she has a big task at hand tonight. She is singing Foreigner’s “I Wanna know what Love is.” It was shaky in the beginning and throughout, but she grew on me as the song went on and I felt like I was in chapel. But I don’t love Elise, and never did. 

Gwen steered her wrong, as pointed out by an esteemed colleague of mine. I think she is always a boot candidate, whether she has a bangin performance or not.

The judges didn’t feel it and I see a possible Doc Marten being slipped on.

A DUO NEXT?? This again? I really am not into this… Colton and Skylar are using up their voices before they perform for America’s votes! I’m not FF this time but I’m a little bitter Seacrest is allowing this to happen.

PHIL PHIL: Like this guy a lot! He is singing “That’s All” by Genesis. He was awesome, made it his own, and just stuck to his guns, which is what is most likeable about him… The judges liked it too.

But there is a sort of bad thing about Phil… The bulging forehead vein freaks me out, and I sometimes get worried that it will explode. It’s huge, but not as huge as this guys:

Josh: He needs to switch it up this week for me. He overdid it last week and wore out the good qualities about his voice. Tonight, he is singing  “If You Don’t know me By Now” by Cynthia Ray. He is wearing a hideous jacket that is embroidered with tire tracks, and it looks stupid as hell! So does his breath right strip, although the make up artist did a great job concealing it. 

Josh’s voice is definitely great, but not fit to be the next American Idol. I wasn’t into the performance, but of course the judges gave it a standing o.

Jessica: She is singing “How Will I know” by Whitney Houston. Love it that she is taking on Whitney, and think she has the voice to pull it off. And she does! And looks cute in the baby gap jean jacket that she is borrowing from Jimmy. 

And underneath it, she is wearing Jim the crossing guard uniform with the cool reflectors. 

She is amazing and gets my vote. She is my valedictorian.

J Lo said her vocals made her not believe they were coming out of her body, Steven said her voice was fantastic and Randy said she did an amazing job… she did!

Hollie: This little blonde Irish gal landed in the bottom 3 for the first time last week, so she has a lot to prove! I still think she is great, but obviously America has some issues with her. Tonight, Hollie is “What A Feeling” from Flash Dance. What a great song! Makes me want to spank the planks…. But she decides to go with a poor attempt of white girl cornrows, and it entirely throws me off.

 I started having visions like this:

 YIKKKKEEESSSS!!!!!!

Hollie is no longer a top tier competitor to me. I was in no way blown away by her vocals, and after seeing Phil and Jessica, she isn’t in the same league. I don’t think she will get the boot tomorrow, but just in case, instead of a Timberland, we got her a red bottom.

Colton: The dude with the badass moheezy (Mohawk)! He is singing “Time After Time.” Everyone knows this song, and if he nails it, I think he has officially won over America’s vote. He sings it in his own style, a style that I’ve grown to like, because of him. That emo/punk/blink 182 style. He also reminds me of previous Idol contestants. Like a David Cook with a hint of Adam Lambert and make a Bon Jovi sprinkle. 

Like me, the judges dug it as well. Colton didn’t blow it out the roof but he is certainly still a safe stud.

Skylar: I like a girl who hunts! But she doesn’t actually need guns. She could be a pristine big buck deer hunter by using her gigantic ass as a weapon. She is singing Wings, and it’s a slightly different twist on the then her usual rowdy country crock Reba style. Although she still throws in the twang, and I liked her earrings. She is definitely a quality competitor, not my fave, but she has a huge voice and spunky personality. She is safe in my book.

As usual, what a night! These kids are legit. These judges are the truth. The host is the man! This blogger is………

OUT